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December 19, 2017

Jesus wants to get rid of that Joseph guy once and for all.

Psst. Jesus, I’m talking to you. You want to get rid of that Joseph guy for good? Sure he makes your mom, Mary, happy, but he’s not your real dad, God. She’ll probably be sad, but you’ll be better for it once “uncle Joe” is out of the picture.

When you’re having a family meal ask for your water to be made into wine, then just do it yourself because he can’t provide for your family.


I mean, come on! That’s an easy one. You learn that day one in God School. But I guess he never went to God School because he’s human.

Say you’ll play a game of catch with him if you can play it on water, then watch his face sink.


Its not your fault he can’t walk on water. Sometimes kids just surpass their elders with certain skills. If he really wants to bond with you, he’ll learn how.

Ask your mom, Mary, to tell you the story again about how she met your dad.


Its so funny when Joseph gets cuckolded and does nothing about it. Joseph of Nazareth = the original cuck.

Talk about how God answers your prayers while Joseph can’t even hear them.


Pssh. What kind of “father” can’t even read his son’s thoughts?

Request to see your dad’s buddy, Noah, again.


Yeah, your famous dad has famous friends and you get to hang out with them. NBD.

When Joseph tells you to clean your room, mumble that your dad doesn’t even have a houes, just fluffy white clouds that never get dirty.


Your dad’s place is so much cooler than this dump Joseph generously shelters you with.

When Joseph tells your mom the good news about his promotion to Head Shepherd, mention the time your dad led all the Jews through the desert for 40 years to the land of milk and honey.


If we’re talking about accomplishments, then we might as well talk about the big ones.

You fell off your bike and broke your arm? Tell Joseph- wait, he can’t do anything. Just heal it yourself.


This is getting ridiculous; this guy can’t do anything. What’s his purpose again? Oh yeah, he makes your mom happy becaues she can’t rely on a being who isn’t there in physical form and she needs some human companionship in her life. Its isolating being the mother of the son of God.