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Published November 06, 2012 More Info »
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Published November 06, 2012

 

Star Wars:

Episode VII : Ghosts of the Jedi

By Nozcr

 

 

STAR WARS MONTAGE

There is a rapid fire montage of scenes from the six existing Star Wars films.

                        ANNOUNCER

              Star Wars. Generations have grown

              up watching these beloved films; now

              come three new adventures for a generation

              that hasn’t been born yet.

 

EXT. SPACE

 

We see the classic crawl, Episode VII, Ghosts of the Jedi, basically explaining that the Empire was beaten thirty years ago and Luke Skywalker has spent all that time trying to rebuild the Jedi.

 

                        ANNOUNCER

              YES! George Lucas, Creator… um, I mean

              Kathleen Kennedy, Associate Producer of

              some of the greatest films of the last

              thirty years, and The Disney Company, give

              you three new films, about the same story

              you heard a long, long time ago …

 

INT. JEDI TEMPLE HALLWAY

 

The ghosts of Qui Non Jin and Anakin are training, squatting down on the floor.

             

                        QUI NON JIN

              Anakin! Concentrate! Remember, you are

              a ghost. You don’t have a body anymore.

              All you have is your spirit. You have to

              take everything you have and concentrate

              on the tip of your finger.

 

Anakin grimaces as he holds up his finger concentrating with extreme strain.

 

THE FLOOR

 

There is a copper penny with Yoda’s face on it on the floor; a New Republic Penny. Anakin places his finger next to the penny and continues to strain. We hear the unchained melody theme from the movie Ghost.

 

                   JEDI GHOST

                        (VOICE OVER)

              Oh, my love, my darling, I hunger for,

your touch …

                        (Continues)

 

                        ANNOUNCER

              Star Wars: Episode Seven. Ghosts of

              the Jedi.

 

After seconds of effort, Anakin manages to move the penny a few millimeters.

 

INT. JEDI COUNCIL CHAMBERS – DAY

 

A fifty four year old Jedi Master Luke Skywalker enters, looking pensive and concerned.

                        GHOST YODA

              Troubled, are you?

 

The ghosts of all the old Jedi suddenly materialize in their old seats.

 

                        LUKE SKYWALKER

              Uh, guys? Can I have a little

privacy?

 

INT. CORUSCANT APARTMENT – DAY

 

A fifty four year old Leia goes from room to room looking for something. A seventy five year old Han Solo is resting in his Lazy Boy recliner.

 

                        LEIA

              Han. Han honey, have you seen my

              hairbrush?

 

                        HAN

              Leia, you’ve got a million brushes.

              I don’t know where you put them. Heck,

              the only thing I’ve found in the last

              ten years is this thing.

 

Han reaches down under the end table next to the recliner and pulls up the crystal skull from Indiana Jones IV.

 

INT. JEDI MUSEUM

 

The ghost of Mace Windu is in front of a display case showing all the Jedi lightsabers. His arm always goes through the case as he tries to grab his purple lightsaber. He stops, gives up and turns around, as crestfallen as the crazy subway ghost.

 

                        MACE WINDU

              Man, I’d give anything to get my

              lightsaber back.

 

INT. CORUSCANT APARTMENT – DAY

 

Old Han is sleeping on the couch as Leia kneads a ball of clay. Suddenly Guinan opens the door.

 

                        GUINAN

              Leia! Leia! You gotta listen to me child!

                        LEIA

              GUINAN! Guinan, what are you doing

              here? I thought you were supposed to be

              on the Enterprise G.

 

                        GUINAN

              Never mind, Baby. Never mind. This is

              Important. I gotta tell you something.

              Leia. Leia. Leia girl, you are in trouble.

 

                        LEIA

              Guinan, when have I NOT been in trouble?

              Tell me something I don’t know.

 

                        GUINAN

              Damn, you’re cold!

 

                        LEIA

              Do me a favor, take that Hula Hoop out

              of your hat.

 

EXT. TATOOINE DESERT – DAY

 

A set of legs in black pants runs across the desert. A few seconds later they are followed by a black blob with a red head. It’s the ghost of Darth Maul trying to catch up to his legs.

 

INT. JEDI TEMPLE

 

Obi Wan Kenobi watches Qui Non and Anakin as Anakin tries to move a feather on the ground. An over cooked sausage crawling on the ground gets his attention.

 

                        OVERCOOKED SAUSAGE

              Obi Wan Kenobi! I’ve waited a long time

              for this. I finally found you.

 

                        OBI WAN KENOBI

              Who are you? What are you?

 

                        OVERCOOKED SAUSAGE

              It’s me! General Greivous! Now I can

              have my revenge!

 

                        OBI WAN KENOBI

              Where’s the rest of you?

 

                        OVERCOOKED SAUSAGE

              You burned what was left of my body!

              What did you think I’d look like?!

 

EXT. JEDI TEMPLE BALCONY – DAY

 

A fifty four year old Jedi Master Luke Skywalker looks out over the city. The ghost of Emperor Palpatine appears next to him.

 

                        EMPEROR

              Ah, Young Skywalker. After years of effort

              I have returned to the mortal realm. Soon

              I will regain my rightful place and my

              revenge will be complete!

 

                        LUKE SKYWALKER

              Not necessarily.

 

Luke raises his hands and blue lightning shoots out of his fingers. The Emperor screams as the lightning surrounds him and fades him back into the realm of the dead.

 

                        LUKE SKYWALKER

              Didn’t see that coming, did you?

 

INT. CORUSCANT APARTMENT – NIGHT

 

Leia places a lump of clay on the potter’s wheel as the theme from Ghost continues. Seventy five year old Han Solo comes up behind her and starts caressing her. They snuggle and cuddle, then Han reaches over to his side and grabs an oxygen mask. He places it over his mouth and inhales deeply. After a few breaths Han places the mask back on its hook on the wall.

 

EXT. CORUSCANT ROOFTOP – NIGHT

 

We see the ghost of a Jedi singing the last part of the Ghost theme on the rooftop.

 

                        JEDI GHOST

              I need your love. Oh, I need your love.

              (Continues)

 

                        ANNOUNCER

              Star Wars: Episode Seven: Ghosts of

              the Jedi. Coming in two thousand fifteen.

              No matter what you think.

 

 

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