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June 02, 2017
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"Noting the overall feeling of ambivalence, the White House confirmed early Wednesday morning that not a single member of the President’s staff has found the heart to take down the small blanket fort built by Eric Trump in the Executive Residence."

WASHINGTON– Noting the overall feeling of ambivalence, the White House confirmed early Wednesday morning that not a single member of the President’s staff has found the heart to take down the small blanket fort built by Eric Trump in the Executive Residence.

“It’s tough,” said White House Director of Strategic Communications Hope Hicks. “It’s something you see and think to yourself, ‘Eventually, one of us going to have to take this down, right?‘” she stated. “But for the time being, none of us have mustered up the will to do it.”

The fort, found in a far corner of the Lincoln Bedroom, was allegedly constructed by the 33-year-old businessman sometime in early May.

“My dad said that I can take as many blankets as I want as long as I’m not too loud,” said Trump, sitting criss-cross applesauce inside the linen citadel referred to as “Fort Eric.”

“Sometimes me and Sean (Spicer) play Go Fish in here,” he added. “Sean said that once he gets some time off from all of his boring meetings that we’re gonna make Fort Eric even bigger.”

“Oh, and guess what else?” Trump continued. “My dad has his own plane, and I’ve been taking the crackers they give out and putting them in my pockets to take home with me,” he said. “They’re so good. They’re my favorite food. And look- I’ve been saving them so we can eat them in the fort.”

At press time, Sean Spicer was seen giddily scurrying up the Grand Staircase, carrying two flashlights and a bag of marshmallows to an undisclosed second floor bedroom.

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