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Published June 07, 2011

Nursery Rhymes- Trial Style

Jim McPartland
funnyordie.com/jbmcpart
“Mad Rumblings” on Facebook

 

 


The Casey Anthony murder trial is in full swing. We’re 11 days in and the Prosecution is scheduled to wrap up on June 17. We’re now at the boring science lab juncture, where forensic experts are testifying on every chemical found on any pillow Casey has ever laid her psychotic head on.

 

 

The prime area of focus is the Pontiac Sunbird Casey had been driving and chemical remnants left in the trunk that supposedly contain DNA from Caylee’s decomposing body. All the prosecution witnesses, including her family George, Cindy and Lee, have referred to an unbelievable stench that many experts can only attribute to that of a dead body.

 

 

There is a hermetically sealed can with a piece of the carpet in it that the Prosecution is considering opening and letting the jurors have a whiff. The problem with this is it ‘can’ conceivably back fire and become an “O.J. Moment”. That lead to the infamous quote (and courtroom winner/straight-out-of-Hollywood line) uttered by the late Johnny Cochrane-

 

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As none of the jurors have ever smelled a decomposing body, what are they supposed to compare it to? I know the can is going to be horrible but Jose Baez, Anthony’s taxpayer paid defense attorney, appears to be smart enough to be able to attribute it to something else. I think the Prosecution should just let the jury know the can exists and let it go. Opening it is akin to a can of worms. Bad smelling dead ones at that.

 

 

I’m thinking Baez must be pondering some good prose to use when he gets up to bat. As the score is something like 127-2, he better get a lot of guys on base and hope all the video replays work in his favor.

 

 

To save him some work, here are some of my suggestions-

 

 

 

Muffins are filled

With nooks and crannies

Wanna know who killed Caylee?

Just ask Zanny.

 

 

 

If the can smells bad

What can it be?

Musta been her Daddy

Or her brother Lee!

 

 

 

Caylee’s gone

And that is sad.

Casey knows who done it

It’s the Granddad.

 

 

 

Don’t open the can

When it is windy.

‘Cause you’re gonna find out

It’s always been Cindy!

 

 

 

 

OK, Dr. Seuss enthusiasts- your job is to concoct a rhyme of your own.

 

Be creative. Add “Clue” like suspects that come out of no where with ingenious weapons of fatal demise. Scooby Doo Mystery types that you’ve only been vaguely introduced to. Gerus, the corpse sniffing dog. Tony Lazzaro, her ex boyfriend. There’s plenty to choose from.

 

Penmanship counts. Especially flowers above the i’s.

 

 

 

 

 

Jim McPartland is a freelance writer specializing in non fiction narrative humor. He can be had for a song. Just not “Don’t Stop Believing” as that causes violent outbursts. He can be found on Facebook under “Mad Rumblings”, his soon to be published book.

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