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October 12, 2017
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What if the Guardians of the Galaxy had gotten counseling? Would it go well or would it come crashing down on us all? See for yourself.

By: Kelly Brotman

Date: 10/11/2017

Email: Kellybrotman@gmail.com

Super Hero Family Therapy Sessions. Edition: Marvel. Parody

Cast:

Peter Quill

Ego

Gamora

Nebula

Charles Xavior

Rocket

Groot

Drax

EXT: Professor X’s Institute for gifted children

INT: Charles Xavior’s office.

(Charles Xavior, Peter Quill, Ego,Nebula, Gamora, Rocket, Groot, Drax)

)

Charles Xavior

Hello my name is Charles Xavior and I am here to discuss super hero and mutant families. Normally my sessions with the families are confidential but these families are come to me to be the extreme exceptions. Let us watch the following sessions and you would see why I find them particularly extraordinary.

Camera cuts to a therapy session that is between Peter Quill and Ego.

Both Ego and Peter are sitting on a couch. Charles is sitting in his wheel chair.

Peter

He just shows up out of out of no where you know? How can a man who hasn’t been in my life for 36 years just come to me and say, “Peter, I am your father”

Ego

I did not say that Peter, I just quite simple that I am your father.

Peter

If you were around you would of understood my movie reference just then but no…because why you may ask, he was out conquering the galaxy!

Ego

To be fair Peter, I did send Yandu out to get you when you were ten years old.

Peter

Because you killed my Mom!

Ego

I had to kill your Mother Peter, I fell in love with her! If I kept her around she would be a distraction for me then my master plan would fall through the cracks.

Charles

What is your master plan?

Both Peter and Ego turn towards Charles both forgetting he was there.

Ego

(Side Whisper) Can I eliminate him now already? He is such pompous ass.

Peter

Dad you agreed to at least one therapy, if there was no other way to convince you to not destroy the universe then this, then I wouldn’t be forced to cream you into a pulp.

Ego

But he is a douche buggy.

Peter

(To Charles) I’m sorry we are done here Professor. I tried and now I have kill my Pop.

Ego

And now I have to teach my son some manners, excuse us.

Where Peter Quill and Ego were siting suddenly disappeared in two bright white lights.

Charles

(Voice over audio) I do not know where my clients went to but I do know that family has some serious issues.

Charles

(Voice Over Audio) My next session was a tad lethargic.

Camera cuts to the family session between Gamora and Nebula. Both of them are sitting on either side of the coach not talking to each other.

Charles

Come on, can you at least talk to each other instead of firing your weaponry that fortunately Logan has confiscated.

Nebula

Why do you ask Daddy’s little princess why she has ignored me for all of my life.

Gamora

Our father was insane. He has turned you into a cyborg.

Nebula

He kept on doing to make me as strong as you!

Gamora

I am sorry Professor but I must take this time to kill my sister.

Nebula

Not if I kill you first!

Gamora and Nebula take out hidden weapons and turn them on.

Charles

Not in my office! Not in my office!

Loud exploding sounds happens and camera turns off suddenly.

Camera cuts back to Charles Xaviar.

Charles

Unfortunately I could not continue their session, and I had to have my students help me repair my office. In the meantime I held an interesting interesting therapy session with a raccoon name Rocket and Groot who I have no idea what he is just roll the film.

Camera cuts to the garage with Rocket and teenage Groot.

Rocket

Look I only agreed to this because I would hope it will teach Groot a little respect to me. And don’t you dare call me a raccoon or I will fucking kill you!

Charles Xaviar’s voice over.

Charles

Luckily I had Logan dismantle all the weaponry before they entered the garage.

Cut back to Groot and Rocket.

Groot spits sap onto Rocket.

Rocket

Unbelievable. You see?! You see what I am putting up with here?!

Charles

Now Rocket, perhaps Groot is echoing what he sees as his elder.

Rocket

What’s that suppose to mean Baldy that he thinks of his superior?

Charles

I said elder, Rocket, elder! As is he thinks of you as his role model.

Groot

(Snorts) I am Groot.

Groot pushes Rocket off the couch and then steps on him.

Rocket

Role Model my ass. Thanks anyway Doc, I’ll let myself out.

Charles

(Voice Over) You would think after three attempts I would give up on helping today’s mutants but unfortunate for those out who are stubborn ungrateful clients, I do say I will not give up on helping families with special abilities heal. My last client of today was not at all reinsuring.

Scene cuts to Charles Xavier and Drax. Drax is asleep on the couch.

Charles

Will you wake up?! We haven’t discussed how you feel about the loss of your wife and child. Will you please give me the time of day?

Drax farts loudly.

Camera cuts back to Professor Charles Xavier.

Charles

I have no words. But I can insure you the next time I run these family sessions, I will be sure to be more prepared and less shall I say unorganized. I am Charles Xavier and I thank you for joining me. Now if youe excuse me as I drink some well deserved brandy.

Charles goes to get his brandy bottle to find it empty.

Charles

Oh bloody hell, Drax must of drank all my brandy, I bid you adieu.

END OF SKIT.

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