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April 22, 2015
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X-Men's Iceman Is Revealed To Be Gay Man

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In an issue of All-New X-Men that came out today, one of the characters who has been with the franchise from the beginning, Iceman, was revealed to be gay. The revelation came in a time-travel episode where a young, posing Iceman calls a woman hot. Young Iceman is confronted by Jean Grey, who can see what he’s thinking (because she’s an X-Men and that’s her power) and she’s like, “Hey, Iceman, whats up with you calling women hot, you’re gay, man.” And Iceman’s all, “No I’m not, ya jerk!” and then it’s like, oh yeh he definitely is.

It’s an interesting storyline about a teenager coming out that tackles a lot of normal human questions: What’s the line between urging a friend to be honest and pushing a friend to do something he doesn’t want to and when is it appropriate to read someone’s mind vs. when is it just rude. And, it involves a major, original member of X-Men. But it’s not the first gay character in X-Men history. Northstar, usually a peripheral character, was openly gay and got married in Astonishing X-Men #50.

So basically, the coming out of a super hero was not very super. It was basically like a friend finding some gay porn in their friend’s bedroom and then calling them out on it super hard. That happens every day to teenagers across this great country of ours. If a super hero is gonna come out, then let it be while they’re doing something really cool. Here are some ideas I have for comic book characters coming out scenes.


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SUPERMAN
Grabs a bomb that is strapped to a gigantic building that’s on fire, rips the building out of the ground, flies it all up to space and throws it a million miles away from Earth. While the entire planet applauds how he just saved the Earth, Superman pushes the single curl from his forehead, leans into a mic that was set up for him by the Daily Planet for a press conference, and says “Thanks guys, I’m happy to help. Also, I’m gay. Sorry Lois.”


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SPIDERMAN
After silently crawling up a building to apprehend some bad guys who have robbed a toy store, Spiderman notices that the police are there to arrest the bad guys too. Spiderman strikes up a conversation with one of the police officers and they just connect. They both apprehend the the bad guys together, Spiderman doing the bulk of the work with his nets and all, the two start going out, and before you know it, he’s writing “Will you marry me?” in webs in front of the police officer’s house. He also apologizes to Mary Jane.


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WONDER WOMAN
From her invisible plane, Wonder Woman is flying around, scoping out any dangerous situations she can help out with when all of a sudden she sees a group of terrorists trying to bomb a local non-profit that just so happens to be run by her biggest crush who just so happens to be a woman. Wonder Woman swoops down, disarms the terrorists, really scolds them hard (“You’re bombing a non-profit? Really? Why?”), and then, with all the company’s workers looking on and cheering in thanks, Wonder Woman just asks out the woman she has a crush on like it’s no big deal. She can hear the whispers and murmurs but she doesn’t flinch for a second. Woman says yes and they go on a few dates but they pretty quickly stop texting each other.


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CAPTAIN AMERICA
After tracking and foiling Red Skull’s plans for world domination, the public starts a “U.S.A.” chant. Captain America loves this chant so he joins in and after a bit he very quietly, almost silently, says “I. Am. Gay.” to the tune of U.S.A. during one round of the chant. No one hears him and that wasn’t his intention anyway. He just wanted to say it out loud for his own sake. In a much later issue of Captain America, he retires with the love of his life, Geoff, to a modest house in Buffalo, NY.


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STORM
After creating a big-ass blizzard that makes it impossible for bad guys to see, the rest of the X-Men easily corral their enemies and subdue them. Since there are already two other gay X-Men, Storm thinks coming out won’t be a big deal at all. And she’s right! On the way home from the mission, she mentions it to Beast and he’s like, “Ah really? Cool. I’m hungry.” And that’s that.

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