This isn't an article, its a concept and rough draft of a script for a video idea. I do not have the means to make the video as awesome as I think you guys at Funny or Die could, so I thought I'd pass it along to you, to see if you could do anything with it.
First the actor and director can easily be switched out for whoever you think would work better. Simply put I needed an actors name and a directors name when I was writing this, and I just happened to be watching Iron Man 2 and I really liked how Favreau and RBJ worked together.
Actor: Robert Downey Jr
Director: Jon Favreau
Girl: A Girl
*Why Movie Stars Make Sex Tapes*
Written By: Ryan W. Pitts
Robert Downey Jr and girl are having a romantic night, standing outside of RBJ's place, smiling and staring into each others eyes.
Robert: "Hey, do you want to come in"
Girl: "I thought you'd never ask"
Both enter through the door and head for the elevator, once inside the elevator, they start making out, all over each other, elevator door shuts, next scene is the two of them crashing through a bedroom door, crashing onto the bed. Both are stripping, things are getting hot and heavy. Just as the big moment arrives, he can't get it up. Obviously disappointed he slides to the edge of the bed, slumping.
Robert: "I'm sorry, I, I don't know what the problem is.."
Girl: "Its ok..... this sort of thing happens to a lot of guys."
Robert: "Not for me, or at least not what you're thinking."
Girl (obviously a little upset): "Well is their anything I can do?"
Robert: "Well, you see, I can't really, "perform" without a camera, filming me."
Girl (slightly confused): "Well..... I don't know, thats a little different.. I've never done one these before."
Robert: "Well I don't know of any other way, Its the only way, we can have sex."
Girl (appearing a little giddy): "Ok, well, I guess it would be fun and different..... So yeah, what the hell lets do it."
Robert (very happy now): "Ok, well one second let me set up the camera."
Girl, very giddy now, and excited sitting in bed, getting ready, Robert jumps up out of bed, and quickly sets up a camera. He jumps back into the bed and attempts round 2. 2 to 3 minutes later
Girl (aggravated): "Whats wrong now?"
Robert: "Uhhh.. It just feels like there is something missing, like whats my focus here, whats my drive?"
Girl: "I thought we were going to have sex?"
Robert: "No, I need more direction than that, umm, are you Ok with one more tweak?"
Girl (aggravated even more now, checking her phone): "Yeah, whatever lets just get this over with."
Robert: "Awesome, Ok Favreau come on out!"
Jon Favreau comes crashing out of the closet running to robert, girl looks terribly confused.
Favreau: "Alright Robert, so what are we going for here?"
Robert: "Well Favreau, we're trying to have sex."
Favreau: "hmmm, ok, well first, this lighting is terrible and we definitely need a cameraman, BOYS! Come on out!"
A camera and Lighting crew come rushing out of the closet and set up shop.
Crew: "All set boss!"
Favreau: "Ok guys, we want to keep this looking very natural, very handy cam'ish, Robert, here's the angle. You're a WWII Soldier, and you're being shipped out in the morning. This could possibly be your last night with your high school sweetheart, ACTION!"
Girl: (Very confused now): ".....What?"
Robert: "Yeah, I'm with her.... whats my back-story? Where am I from, how long have we been together etc..."
The girl is still looking very confused
Favreau: "Ok, you're from a country town in New York and you two have been together for 6 years now."
Crew Member: "Sex, Take 2."
Robert is now using a horrible 1940's northern accent
Robert: "Sally, I love you so much, I just...."
Girl: "Who the fuck is sally??"
Robert (Normal voice): "Favreau, would you explain it to her."
Favreau: "Honey, your name is now Sally Lane, just go with it."
Crew Member: "Sex, Take 3."
Robert (1940's accent again): "Sally, I love you so much, I just want this night to last forever."
Girl: "Oh....... I love you to.. Rob.."
Favreau: "CUT! miss, you seemed a little confused, his name is now John Lane"
Favreau: "Ok guys, places, ready."
Crew Member: "Sex, Take 4."
Robert: (1940's accent): "Oh sally, I love you so much, I just want this night to last forever."
Girl (confused still): "John, I love you too, I wish you didn't have to go."
Robert: "Lets make the most of this night."
Robert and the Girl begin to makeout heavily, rubbing one another. While this is going on, the director is staring intensely, guiding the camera man, working different angles, with close ups and pan shots
They couple are getting close to finishing, the girl is moaning, and Robert is starting to make odd faces, and suddenly he finishes, while grunting "Uhh!" he falls to the bed, the girl is now very quiet and once again confused
Robert (catching his breath, with normal voice) "How was that?"
Robert: "Shh, not you, Favreau, how was that?"
Favreau: "Robert, that was great, very classy and hey, you successfully just had sex, good job everybody, good job."
Girl (Very Upset): "So are we done here?"
Robert: "Yeah, you can get out of here."
The Girl storms out of the room mumbling, slamming the door on her way out
Favreau, Robert and the Crew begin to laugh.
Favreau: "Thats a wrap everybody, lets pack it up."
The crew packs everything up and return to the closet.
Favreau: "Good job today Robert, until next time, G'night."
Robert: "G'night Favreau."
Favreau returns to the closet shutting the door behind him, Robert crawls back into bed smiling, and turns out the light.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Ryan W. Pitts