If you read the front pages of newspapers all over the country, you'lll undoubtedly find the same stories over and over again. They'll all read something like "Bush Tax Cuts to Appear on Glee." All of them. Go ahead, just fire up your Barnes and Noble "Nook" and download any newspaper. You'll see.

Anyway, we've collected the best stories of the week. The ones that, despite their awesomeness, may have been buried in some back section. Remember, these are REAL. They actually happened.

America, if you could do me a favor and continue being the best, that'd be awesome.

1. Man Eats Beard (Full Article)
Actual quote: "They cut my beard and forced me to eat it."

2. Bush Explains His Pro-Life Stance (Full Article)
Classic Barbara going on over here.

3. Mouse Trap (Full Article)
Well, if he's gonna put it somewhere...

4. But Wait, There's More (Full Article)

5. Dick Van Dyke's New Project (Full Article)
So the only witness is a senile old man. Sure, I'll take it.

6. Better Than "Flaccid Feminine Pleasure Device" (Full Article)
Joe's Crab shack was apparently the place to be.