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August 10, 2011

A short story to help explain to the kids what is happening in Washington!

Well Billy. Once upon a time there were a bunch of little piggy congressmen, who left their districts and went to Washington to serve the people but more so themselves. 

All session long the piggy congressmen roamed the halls playing games with lobbyists and having pure fun! None were happier than the little piggy congressmen as they easily made friends with anyone that gave them a ton of money. Then one day they suddenly realized that the budget was due and sadly they knew their fun was over. Now they must look like they were working hard, or they'd be left in the cold and rain with no chance of re-election and plenty of blame. The laziest little piggy congressman said he'd pass a bill to cap the budget on the backs of their middle-class cousins.

"Ha, ha! This will only take only but a day!" but the other piglets responded loudly with "Nay, nay!" Another young piggy congressman went in search of support for his bill instead of trying to compromise. It took the young piglet days to garner support as the clock to default was ticking but alas the other piggy congressmen did not like the bill or the other piglets with him.

"That's not the way to pass a bill to fix the budget!" screamed yet another piggy congressman. "It takes time, patience and hard work to fix what the last administration did. We need a bill that will raise taxes and is strong enough to stand up to the lobbyists, bribes, scandals, and most of all, protect us from the other little piglet party!"

"Hey piglets, why are we all working so hard? Why don't we just compromise and go out and play?" said a brand new piggy congressman. But then one stubborn little old piggy congressman again yelled "Nay, nay!"

"We shall do this my thing way. My bill will be solid and sturdy with no raising of any taxes. Then I will come out and play once we do it my way!" said he. "I shall not be foolish like you fools and bite the hand of the lobbyists that feed me!"

Then suddenly, a big rattling bellow was heard. "Come out you porky little rat bastards!" ordered the President, his mouth watering. "I just want to speak to all of you right now!"  

"Nay, Nay. We rather stay where we are right now thank you very much!" replied the little piggy congressmen. “Besides, we want to go on vacation again for five weeks and use our lobbyist money, healthcare and other resources that the public doesn't have, tee-hee!”

This further upset the President. "I'll make you bloodsucking leeches come out and work together!" And then puffing out his chest, the President took a very deep breath, and blew hot air with all his might right into the House of piglet Representatives and all the bills the silly piggy congressmen had heaped together, again without regard to the public they serve, fell down in a great big stinky dinky heap.

"OMFG! Let us run to the piggy Senate chamber! We need to lean against the chamber door with all our might so that he who was not really born here but was yet somehow elected again because we really didn't have a concrete platform to show the people and other dated belief moron piglets in our group, can't break in to make us work!"

But outside the chamber door, the President could hear the little piggy congressmen squirm and became very annoyed at the idea of a budget default on his watch! The President then rained furious bloodly blows upon the piglet Senate chamber doors.

"Open up! Open up! I only want to speak to you sons of porkers to try to make a compromise for the benefit of the people you claim that you serve. What is wrong with you little piglets? What is wrong?"

Inside, the little piggy congressmen all wept in fear and did their best to hold the chamber door fast against the furoius blows. Then the President braced himself with a new effort: he drew in a really enormous breath, and called for the Vice President to help with his few choice curse words of wisdom and then suddenly - WHOOSH! The piggy Senate chamber door collapsed like a pack of old rusty dusty playing cards.

“What is wrong with you little pork rinds? We need to work together to serve the people and begin to reduce this deficit! I mean do I lisp? What part of this don't you understand?” The piggy congressmen heard these words and took them only as a ploy. Why should they help the people and lose a chance to get more toys from their lobbyists friends that give them so much joy.

"Quick everyone! Now the time draws nigh." cried a fat piglet. "Pass something, pass something, so the President doesn't cry!" The President was not sure if he should sign the rushed little piggy bill but alas he had no choice as the big bad rating agencies might take downgrade action yet again as now even China was seen walking in the chamber halls!

"I have to sign this dag nab it bill as I am again dying in the poles!" weeped the President, his poor old soul. "Okay, okay. I will sign this little piggy bill so we can get on with that unemployment problem thingy thing stuff." And so the President signed the bill but quickly became very ill when a group of little piggy congressmen shouted with glee, “Ha bitch, we got what we wanted. In your face, in your face!”

The happy little piggy congressmen danced round and round and began to sing. "Tra-la-la! Tra-la-la-la-la! The President and Vice President will never come back again! Come on boys, come on, come on! Let us sing and dance with our lobbyists friends very proudly again!"

The President returned to roam the chamber halls, and also various television shows but when he caught sight of the little piggy congressmen, he remembered the terrible pain of his burnt tail. He quickly left the halls to lick his wounds, forgetting yet again about the unemployment thingy thing for the masses that needed real work.

Now feeling very safe and happy, the little piggy congressmen called out. "No more work! Come on, come on, let's go out and play with our lobbyists again and work hard to blame the President on more stuff that he can't control as we always will get in his way to ruin his day! Hip-hip hooray! Come and play and let us take pictures of ourselves naked and post them online and then call up some whores or whatever stuff we do other than serving the people who elected us! Woohoo!"

So now I hope you now understand what happened in Washington Billy and why we have to live in a van with two flat tires and a broken window. Now shut up and go to sleep for alas we all are nothing, but sad little sheep.