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February 26, 2012

Hello ladies. We meet again.

Hello ladies. We meet again.

You don't remember me? That's fine. I'd want to forget the best night of my life too, if I thought I wouldn't relive it. But here I am, ladies. JT Martine, here to remake your acquaintance.

No, no, honey, don't leave yet. JT Martine hasn't shown you his dance moves. I know all the fly jives: the electric waggle, the sizzling bacon, the erotic arm, the impolite Frenchman--

JT Martine will leave the ladies alone if that's what the ladies want, but before that, let me buy you a drink. Let JT look at your eyes, honey. Okay, I won't touch you. But I know what you like. Cranberry juice and vodka. No? Good, that was a test. For real, you're a Cosmo girl. No, I know that's not what you drink. I was just saying you're an elegant bitch. No, I meant 'bitch' like 'my bitch,' you know, like you're JT's honey. Yeah, I'll fuck off.

Can you believe how fat she was? Not like you, though, honey. I was just doing her a favor. That was JT's charity. How are you? I'm JT Martine, beautiful honey. Are you for real a blonde?

I'm just saying, a few hours from now, you could be acting the role of Mrs. Martine, you know? And I don't deal with lying. I'm saying, if upstairs and downstairs have different colored carpets, you know, that disturbs JT's feng shui.

Look, two things. First of all, JT is sorry for being too forward. Deuces, please don't call it a 'vagina.' That's just so clinical, word? I mean, JT has beautiful arms, but if I called them biceps all the ladies would rag off, you understand?

Yo, don't just walk away without saying anything! Can you believe this, bartender? Makes me wish I was gay, so I could dismiss all the honeys. What's with ladies, anyway? You like guys? No? Me neither. I would never do stuff with another guy. You've got great eyebrows, by the way.

No no no no, don't misunderstand JT Martine. I'm JT Martine, by the way. I'm just saying, I can appreciate a good manscaping. It's like your body's lawn, you know? You're a beautiful man, you should be proud. JT can appreciate.

Aight, aight, I'm cramping your style. I can dig. Too much male energy makes the girls go mad, and JT Martine is a source of that French "je suis un pas." I'm gonna go hit the dance floor and blow some girl's mind. I'll catch you later.