A Cynic’s Guide To Getting Exactly What You Want From A Woman, Without Being An Asshole
Women; they’re undeniably the fairer sex. For centuries, nay, millennia, men have put women on a pedestal; allowing them to manipulate us like the base animals we are, whilst suffocating our potential, and leading our hearts and minds astray. History’s greatest lovers aren’t exempt either, having shown an undeniable weakness for the right woman. Even the great KISS front man Gene Simmons couldn’t resist the insistence of his girlfriend and mother of his children that they sanctify their relationship in holy matrimony, putting that notorious tongue which has seen the best part of 4,800 vaginas, on lockdown. So if even the greats can be pussy-whipped into submission, what hope do us regular Joe’s of the world have? Can we ever truly become the master’s of our own domain, free to wonder this world as stray dogs without a master? The answer is simple: YES WE CAN! More importantly, when the time is right, we have the power to choose when to call quits on the debauchery and settle down, but on OUR terms.
The following is not a guide on how to pick-up women, but more so a guide on how to handle women in different contexts, with the end goal being achieving the best end-result for yourself. This guide will not teach you how to speak to women. If you don’t have game, ‘you need to go see the Wizard to get you some game’ – Don “Magic” Juan. Achieving a competitive level of game takes years of practice and trial and error. Some people are born with it, others such as myself, have had to work to refine their game. In truth, one’s game never stops evolving. In applying this guide to your own personal experiences, you’ll need to be able to at least hold a conversation with a woman. If you can’t do that, may I suggest you visit: www.redtube.com, or a brothel in your locality.
For the purposes of this guide, I have constructed an imaginary scenario in which our subject, JOE BILLOW - 29, good-looking (8/10) marketing executive, is out on the town with his friends. Having recently come out of a long-term relationship which left Joe both emotionally scarred and untrusting of women (they are cunts after all), Joe is ready to put himself back on the meat market.
Bar 1 – The Snatch ‘N’ Grab – Saturday - 11.28pm
Joe stands in line at the bar. Across the bar he notices a cute blonde SAMANTHA – 24 *(7/10).
*A woman’s looks rating out of ten is key in the implementation of this guide, and the reasoning behind this will be explained.
Joe * looks at Samantha and gives her a smile. Samantha returns the smile.
*Use your eyes to let a woman know you’re interested, and to gauge her responsiveness to you. You’ll know if she’s interested.
Having collected his drink, Joe walks over to Samantha where they engage in idle *chit-chat.
*It’s very important to be interesting/have something interesting to say to women. Guys that are well-spoken, well-travelled, bi-lingual, etc... will always be able to keep a woman’s attention engaged for longer, than guys that don’t have much to offer in this department. Remember, women are always analysing your potential as a match, even if you’re only trying to get laid. USE THIS KNOWLEDGE TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!
Joe and Samantha share a dance, and Samantha explains that she needs to leave to meet up with some other friends. Samantha asks Joe if he wants to tag along. Should Joe:
- Tag along with Samantha in the hopes of getting laid?
- Completely blow her off?
- Get her number and maybe meet up with her later?
The answer: C.
- For starters, it’s only very early in the night. If Joe commits to spending the rest of the night with Samantha and he doesn’t get laid, he will have wasted his time. If Joe however doesn’t find another woman by night’s end, he always has the option to call Samantha and give her the hard word. After all, what else could he want at 4am?
- If Joe doesn’t end up using Samantha’s number that night, he might even decide to use it in future for a booty call under the pretext of: ‘Hey, would you like to *come around for dinner and to watch some DVD’s?’. That phrasing is code for: ‘Hey, do you want to come around for some sex?’. If Samantha doesn’t respond to a proposal with such obvious sexual undertones, then Joe will be none the poorer. After all, Samantha’s only a 7/10. The cardinal rule is: WE DON’T DATE WOMEN THAT HAVE A LOOKS RATING OF LESS THAN 8/10. Further to this, WE DON’T SLEEP WITH WOMEN WITH A LOOKS RATING OF LESS THAN 6/10.
*Always make a girl come to your house if you’re arranging a meeting/booty call. If she won’t, forget her quick! After all, why should you be the one to have to get up earlier than usual for work, or to have to pay for an overcharged taxi to get home?
Bar 2 – The Cat and Nine Tails – Sunday - 1.15am
Joe can’t believe his luck. He and his friends have managed to find their way into the VIP section of the most happening spot in town, The Cat and Nine Tails. Sitting at a booth with nationally acclaimed swimsuit models, Joe’s charms have snared the attention of sexy, funny, and vivacious, VIVIENNE – 22 (9/10). The pair starts to make out passionately, and Joe’s cock even gets a little game time under the table. She’s DTF (if you really don’t know what this stands for, I’m not going to spell it out for you) and Joe knows it.
With plans made, Joe and Vivienne make their way out of the bar, into the cool winter air, and make way for the taxi cab rank. As soon as the cold air hits Vivienne, she starts to lose her balance and her legs. Joe knows where this is going, she’s still DTF but he doesn’t even know if she’ll still be awake by the time they get back to his house. Their cab pulls up. Joe decides to:
- Jump in the cab with her?
- Put her in the cab by herself so she can sleep the night off, knowing that he can meet up with her another time?
- Put her in the cab by herself so she can sleep the night off, and never see her again?
The answer: THERE IS NO RIGHT ANSWER.
- The wrong answer is definitely A. Never take advantage of a girl when she’s lost absolute control. If you’re going to play the game, play it with honour.
- If Joe feels that there was chemistry between he and Vivienne, he always has the option to ask her out in future (for a date or otherwise), as she fits within the datable matrix of 8/10’s and upwards. Equally, if Joe doesn’t wish to see her again, he doesn’t have to.
Joe puts Vivienne in the cab, kisses her goodnight, comfortable in the knowledge that if he wants to see her again, he can.
Kebab Shop – Sunday - 3.48am
Drunk, tired, and hungry, Joe waits for a kebab. In the queue next to him, JEN – 25 (6.5/10), gives him the eye. Jen has a pretty face, but she’s a little on the chubby side. Still, Joe’s in there without a word, and the pair head into a cab to Joe’s house.
Joe’s House – Sunday – 9.28am
Joe awakes to the rustling of Jen putting on her clothes and collecting her personal effects. Joe pretends to remain asleep, as he doesn’t want to have to give Jen the obligatory and awkward goodbye kiss, before she leaves. With the front door sounding shut, Joe opens his eyes and checks his mobile phone. Vivienne has sent him a message and apologized for her drunken antics which put a dampen on their planned activities. Vivienne has proposed they meet up for drinks sometime. With his options available with both Samantha and Vivienne, Joe smiles to himself, closes his eyes, and sleeps off the rest of his lazy Sunday.
Important Points to Remember:
- We don’t buy women drinks; well, that is to say initially. If you’re already in with a woman and you feel it’s right, by all means (but only if she has dating potential). Definitely don’t buy drinks for a woman you’re just planning to sleep with. After all, you don’t give a shit about her anyway.
- Know your own attractability. If you look like shit, you’ll only attract flies. Don’t kid yourself; your 10/10 might not be a 10/10 for the underwear model-looking mother fucker standing next to you.
- Be yourself. Women pick up on fake guys. Know your strengths and work to them.
- Practice makes perfect. The more you practice picking-up within these guidelines, the better you’ll become at picking up and also weeding out the charcoal from the diamonds.