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February 15, 2015
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What the fuck is this is? It’s some protein for your dumbshit paleo diet. Rar, look at you, you’re a fucking caveman. Whoop de frikken da. Bet your mom is real proud of your electrician’s certificate from Nowheresville Community College now. Dumbass.

What the fuck is this is? It’s some protein for your dumbshit paleo diet. Rar, look at you, you’re a fucking caveman. Whoop de frikken da. Bet your mom is real proud of your electrician’s certificate from Nowheresville Community College now. Dumbass.

Go buy this:

  • One Hand-coddled Emo Turkey BRAND turkey from our Turkey Department
  • Like, a lot of milk, obv.
  • Whatever coriander is. Probably some kind of spread?
  • Fish of your choice, but if you don’t use bass, you’re doing wrong, like you probably always do
  • Some scrambled Scrambles (Get the big ones or else we’re never going to sell them)

Blend the turkey in the milk in your blender. If you realize too late that your blender is too small, then you probably didn’t plan ahead very well. Nobody is surprised.

In a separate blender, run the bass and the scramble together on the “scramble” setting. If you realize too late that your blender doesn’t have a “scramble” setting, then maybe you should just give up.

In a third blender, blend the two other blender’s worth of blendth.

Paleo that shit up in your mouth with a straw. Be sure to tell two non-paelo friends about it so that they know for sure that you’re a real asshole. Facebook doesn’t count. This level of assholery requires an in-person visit.


Esmerelda Q. Jones, Dirty Hippie Coop
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