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January 30, 2017
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Does anyone really know?

We asked these 10 people the same question: “How old is Tom Brady?”


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“Just by looking at him, I’d say he’s in his twenties or his thirties or his forties. Definitely under sixty.”


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“No clue, but I know his wife is 36, which is kind of creepy considering how much older or younger than her he might be.”


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“The Patriots have been around since 1960. Tom Brady is the New England Patriots. Therefore, by deductive reasoning, Tom Brady is immortal.”


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“It’s kind of a Benjamin Button situation, except he was born one age and will always be that age. Until his tenth Super Bowl, when he will suddenly wither and die.”


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“Are you counting the time Belichick keeps him suspended in the cryo-pod or not?”


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“I find that the best way to tell a person’s true age is their eyes, which in this case is useless because I dare not gaze directly into the eyes of the one true god.”


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“Your first mistake is trying to apply the same numerical age system they use to measure other quarterbacks.”


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“I’m a football coach. I’m not a doctor. Stats are for losers. Final scores are for winners.”


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“I was told there wouldn’t be math.”


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“I guess I’ve never thought about it before. I’m going to guess either 31 or 44.”

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