Yesterday Trump said that if Roe v. Wade is overturned, women seeking abortions should face “some sort of punishment.”
Though he has since taken back this statement, it seems that in the interim he had time to draft a memo to his campaign manager about what those punishments should be. And we got our hands on that memo.
From: President of the United States Donald J Trump
To: Policy Advisor and Former Model UN Participant George Papadopoulos
Subject: Punishments for Women Seeking Abortion
No one will accuse me of being vague. I hate vague. Of course I had specific punishments in mind. Here they are:
- If they’re hot, they have to sleep with me.
- If they aren’t hot, we wait until they get their pre-pregnancy body back, then they have to sleep with me.
- If they’re still not hot, jail.
- They have to brush my hair.
- They have to have another baby, and they have to name it Trump. I’m talking first name. I’m talking boy or girl.
- No more pooping. It’s disgusting.
- Campaign manager Corey Lewandowski gets to throw ‘em around a little.
- They don’t have to have sex with me, but they have to sit in my room all night, complimenting me until I fall asleep.
- They have to pay for their own execution.
- They have to leave a positive yelp review for a Trump hotel or resort every day until they are dead. No suicide allowed.
- Their wage gap will be 69 cents to the dollar.
- No more talking. It’s disgusting.
- They have to have another baby, and when the doctor hands it to them after delivery, the first words they say to their baby must be: “We’re making America great again.”
- Must dance for my amusement whenever my internet is down.
- 15 years hard labor (building the border wall).
- Have to tell people they’ve seen my dick and it’s huge. And they have to pronounce it “yuge.”
- They have to follow me around, giggling after every clever thing I say.
- No more thinking. It’s disgusting.
Let me know how great you think these ideas are by the end of the day.