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December 26, 2009


APB Wire- Washington: Transcripts of accused Northwestern Airlines bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab and his trainers were released to the public today. The exchange reveals the cold hearted indoctrination techniques of the terrorist and their desire to spread fear abroad. 

al-Qa'ida operative Hassan Ramen Noodola is heard preparing  Abdulmutallab for his mission in the tapes:

Ramen Noodola: Glory to GOD Umar, He welcomes you to his Kingdom, have you prepared for your mission?

Umar: Hello brother, umm prepare? I have packed my travel bag, cancelled my Netflix account and put air in bike tires to prepare for trip to airport.

Ramen: Good, good brother warrior, and in this travel bag you have Koran? 

Umar: No brother, I though that would arise suspicion, I have in my bag a word search and copy of Triple DD jugs magazine so as to blend in with travelers. I also packed a Rambo survival knife in case of discovery.

Ramen: No Brother No, you must stick yo my directions. You will cause alertness with these items. Get rid of the knife, quickly, and you may keep the word search but the Juggs magazine is against Islam, you must mail it to me so I must dispose of it properly. You have time before Nassir is to arrive with your provisions. Use the forever stamp I sent you.

Umar: Yes Brother, I will. I have as you commanded removed the hair from my back and arms to provide for the explosive pack, praise GOD.

Ramen: Very good Umar, but we have change in plans. We will not use the backpack, the great Al Salami has determined it is too ..ehh...nineties and may be discovered and alert authorities.

Umar: I see Brother, well then what has GOD determined to be my way to him. What desire has he for my role in showing the infidels their wrong. How shall I force the world to bask in the glory of the maker while they weep for their children and ....

Ramen: Yes Brother I get point. Nassir will bring you a new device which has been designed in the mountains of Tora Bora. 

Umar: Praise GOD, Will this device cause the plane to explode and send fireballs down upon the great shinning city of Detroit?

Ramen: It...should brother...it will cause great fire and pain for those in the coach class and force fear into those a few rows up.

Umar: I don't understand brother, I am trained to be GODs soldier, to allow him to rip my body apart in order to praise him, I am prepared for the vest we have discussed and with it the wrath of Islam.

Ramen: Yes I know, but we, I mean GOD couldn't get enough explosives for a vest so we must overcome our obstacles. We think it best for you to mix a special chemical solution at an opportune moment and then you will cause a storm of retribution and revenge for our fallen warriors but destroying seats 34 A , B and, GOD willing, C. If you active the bomb next to the beverage cart you may cause additional harm with scalding coffee and peanut projectiles.

Umar: But how will I get these materials on the plane without detection?

Ramen: You must hide them in your body.

Umar: But is it safe to carry these in my mouth?

Ramen: No it is not, this is why you must insert them in your rectum, GOD willing, and excuse yourself to the washroom to be expelled and mixed. You will then wield GODs sword of fire.

Umar: This is not the way of a mighty warrior of GOD! I protest brother, others have found their way to the kingdom in much finer ways. Can not I carry them in my bag?

Ramen: You can not, for the tube is too large and would arise suspicion. You must swallow it with your behind, praise Allah 

Umar: And after I remove GODs   sword from my ass I am to do what brother.

Ramen: You will strap the units to your legs and return to your seat. 

(Knock heard at the door) 

Umar: Brother Nassir has arrived.

Ramen: Good Good, put him on the phone

Nassir: Hello Brother, GOD be with you

Ramen: And to you too, Nassir have you assumed the materials?

Nassir: There was a problem brother, I could not get the Chemicals. I had to contact brother BabbiMomma who supplied me with something else

Ramen: Oh this is not good Nassir, what was BabbiMomma able to provide? Is it C4?

Nassir: No brother, it was something he smuggled back from the United States, I believe it is called Jumping Jack. It is a small explosive that causes great harm and makes whistles. He arrived at them from an arms supply house located next to a Waffle House on his way to Georgia. 

Ramen: Ahhh the Jumping Jack will bring terror to the sky! Brother let me speak to Umar while you prepare him for his destiny.

Umar: Brother Ramen , the time is near for my flight. Perhaps we should wait until we have the proper supplies.

Ramen: No Umar, GOD has chosen this day to let his power be known. Samir has brought powerful explosives that were brought from the US. GOD will show the Americans his power by using their own materials of destruction.

Umar: Brother why does Samirs powerful explosives smell like Pancake?

Ramen: Brother that is to cover their powerful scent from the police dogs. 

Umar: I see , but where will I how will I light them as to not cause concern?

Ramen: Once you, with GODs help, remove them from inside you they will be fastened to your underwear in small pockets. You will return to your seat and when the plane is over Motown you will unleash the fury.

Umar: In my underwear? Brother these little tubes do not appear strong enough to take me to Allah, I do not wish to displease him. Perhaps we should wait

Ramen: Nonsense, the day is upon us and GOD expects you to fulfill his wishes. 

Umar: But I do not wish to have an explosion in my pants. How am I to go to heaven and please the virgins?

Ramen: GOD will heal you  and give whatever  you need to shine in heaven for you are his warrior. 

Umar: If you say so brother. I have trust. GOD be with you

end transcript.