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June 15, 2015

Don't miss out on this great deal. My Xbox could be yours for the low price of $1! come buy it from as soon as you can! PLEASE, I BEG YOU....


Do you like video games? Like staying up to date with the latest console? Want to have something fun for your friends to do when you invite them over to you’re place? Then you should get an Xbox! But not just any Xbox, MY Xbox. I’ve had my Xbox for 2 years now, but I recently bought a new game system, and stopped using it. I’ve had so much fun with my Xbox, there’s been times when I’ve just had the worst day, but remember that I can come home and play a few rounds of “street fighter” and feel a little bit better. I invited a girl over for a date and we ended the night by watching awful movies(we made it official the next day!). I even taught my friends the true meaning of Christmas over a game of Black Ops…Okay, that didn’t happen, but it could have! I really want to pass my Xbox onto someone who’ll take care of it, it’s great, I’m selling it for $1, and…it’s trying to kill me.

Yes…my Xbox is literally trying to kill me. it all started when I bought my new gaming system. Things we’re great, however, a couple days after I started playing with my new system, my Xbox started acting weird. It would turn on and start blasting sad music in the middle of the night (primarily “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus). In the middle of a game, it would crash and cut to a black screen with the words “Why?Is it me?” on it. I even walked into the room one time and found a pair of my dirty underwear smashed into its vent fan. But things really started to get weird when I went to go play my PS4, but couldn’t find it anywhere. After searching for a while, I decided to go take a walk outside. When I looked into my closet to get a pair of shoes, I found my PS4 hanging from a nuce. It had a sticky note on it that read:


I plugged the message into a binary code generator and it translated to:

I did this for you my love – XOXO XBOX”.

My PS4 was fine (it’s a fucking piece of metal with no neck) but I was scared. Again, this is a sweet deal. You could have your own XBOX for $1!!!

My Xbox was clearly creeping me out, so I unplugged it and put it away. However, things only escalated from there. One day, while taking a bath, I looked over to my right and found this message on my bathroom mirror :


(if I can’t have you, no one can)

I didn’t know what it meant at the time, but all of a sudden, my XBOX was there, plugged up, and about to tilt over in the tub! I hopped out the bath right before it fell in, nearly escaping with my life. The weird thing is, it continued to work perfectly after being electrocuted. It was crazy. But the craziest thing about this whole thing is… the fact that this water resistant XBOX can be yours for only $1!!!!!!!!!

The tub thing was the last straw. I took my XBOX outside and buried it in my back yard. Then I walked back in my house, certain that this was the ending to a sick and twisted article from a black virgin. However, it wasn’t. Caitlyn (the girl I made it “official” with earlier) called me one night crying. She woke up to turn off her T.V, even though she was certain that she turned it off before she went to bed. Death scenes from the Scream series were playing on her Xbox. She thought it was pretty weird, turned off the T.V,and then headed back to bed. That’s when she realized…she sold her XBOX months ago!

She ran back to her living room to see what was happening,only to find a muddy trail leading from her T.V to her Bathroom. Frightened,she grabbed a plastic spoon, and quietly walked into her bathroom. She was relieved when she didn’t see anyone there but when she turned around; a muddy Xbox power cord wrapped around her neck and tried to strangle her to death.After a long struggle, she cut the cord in half and locked the Xbox in her bathroom. Thank god she grabbed that plastic spoon. And thank god for low low prices! $1 you guys! $1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I rushed over and came to put an end to my Xbox once and for all. I put the box in my Prius, rushed home, turned on my computer and wrote this. Guys, I’m freaking out right now. And you know why? Because I finally got in a relationship after living the single life for so so long? No. Because an inanimate object tried to kill me? No? because? No. Because they’re making an Entourage movie for some reason? No (well, a little bit). Guys, The reason I’m freaking out is because of you. I’m freaking out because you guys are lucky as shit right now. You can take this XBOX off my hands for only$1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If interested in this amazing deal, just message me and come to my house to pick it up. It’s in cage dangling above a fire pit.

You can leave the dollar wherever…