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September 07, 2016
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Trumpkin Spice Season is Here!

This weekend, while you were jumping in pools, Donald Trump was jumping in polls. Almost as soon as Labor Day had closed the ceremonial door on summer, news broke that, according to at least one major poll, Trump had taken the lead on Hillary Clinton.

What could explain Mr. Trump’s early September bump? Could it possibly be seasonal? If so, what is it about this time of the year that would ever make Donald J. Trump more appealing?

Before you go into any deep analysis of polling methods or try to put things in the context of demographics and historical trends, think about this:

With kids heading back to school and the first hints of an autumnal nip in the morning air, there is something about Trump’s rich cinnamon-orange skin, with its artificial hues of nutmeg, an ample yet airy frosting of whipped sugary golden-white strands sitting on top of it all, that just feels comfortable to certain folks as fall’s shorter, crisper days approach. It’s like a warm cup of cider. Or a comfy sweater. Or, yes, like delicious, delicious pumpkin spice. That’s right—Voters must think Donald Trump is pumpkin spiced.

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Can you tell which is the autumnal treat and which is the presidential candidate?

And with presidential candidates, as with everything, if it comes in pumpkin spice, some people just have to have it this time of year, no matter how obviously awful it appears to be. What may have seemed unpalatable, disgusting, and downright unnatural every other season is now inexplicably in high demand. Frenzied Caucasian hordes rally for it.

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I don’t know which is which!

Sure, it’s gross. Of course everything about it is fake. And, yes, it can feel oppressively white in its fan base. But it’s the harvest season, and there it is, its sticky goo oozing and solidifying its presence as a cultural institution.

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We switched it up and put Trump on the left side this time.

Of course, you can try to fight it, but it seems there’s nothing you can do. You’re helpless. You can only watch the craze and wonder. Then, before you know it,a few weeks will pass, and it will play itself out.

It will play itself out, right?

Right?

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Make America Pumpkin Spiced Again

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