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April 05, 2015
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They. always. end. up. together.

Let me preface this by saying that I’m a fan of the Disney franchise. Disney raised me. When people ask who my parents are I respond, “Hercules and Buzz Lightyear.” OMG TWO BOYS?! Get over it.

As a twenty-something I can look back and vividly remember these various films. I was there when Aladdin and Jasmine bravely took their iconic magic carpet ride, I was there when Mufasa died a tragic death (RIP), and I was there when Hans selfishly broke Anna’s heart. Are you crying yet? Same.

Yet, as life-changing as these films were for us, it’s difficult to turn a blind eye to the controversy that has been associated with the Disney brand.

Through Disney’s historic run they’ve been accused of racism, sexism, manipulation, and not asking me to be in any movies. ALL of these accusations, yes, every single one of them, are hard to ignore – but much like Kristen Stewart’s career, most of us have chosen to do so anyways. That day ends now. Today is the day that I finally speak up for those who can’t (mimes) and for those who won’t (scared people). Today is the day I become a hero.

As if Disney’s attacks on minorities and the gullible minds of youth weren’t enough, they had to go after, yet, another group. A group that I once believed to be strong. Of course I’m talking about “singles.”

The “singles” are a group that live by their own rules. They wake up when they want, they go out when they want, and they don’t have to watch “The Bachelor” to make their significant other happy. Though I’ve converted back and forth, this is a group that I currently associate with.

I’m truly surprised that no one from my tribe has spoken up about this behavior earlier. It’s 2015 and this kind of discrimination is still occurring. Have we learned nothing from history?

Single people are people, too, and it’s time for Disney to understand this notion.

If you’ve ever watched a romantic comedy while you’ve been single, you know the feeling. You feel as if there is a target on your back. You walk out of the theater with a million thoughts,“Why can’t I have a relationship like that? I wish I didn’t break up with so-and-so. Maybe I should text them? No…I probably shouldn’t.” The main catalyst for this insane behavior? Disney.

You don’t know how it feels flipping through channels at a friend’s house. “Oh, look! Little Mermaid!” They say.

Cool.. We get it. You’re in a serious relationship just like Ariel and Prince Eric. No need to rub it in.

Have you ever felt the pain of watching Beauty and the Beast while another couple is in the room? “I love this movie!” They laugh.

Yeahhhh. We know. Your relationship started out rocky just like Belle and the Beast’s, but then you started to see each other for who you really are on the inside. You were locked in a metaphorical castle blah blah blah.

It’s as if these movies were specifically designed with the objective of making singles feel uncomfortable and empty.

First I was in denial. I thought it might have just been an unrelated plot line in a few Disney movies so I decided to keep my mouth shut – I thought this concept of unrealistic couples falling in love would blow over. Maybe it was just a phase.

I was severely wrong.

This pattern continued in every Disney movie I encountered – and I was sick of it. “Are they kidding?” I thought. “Do they not know what my people go through on a day-to-day basis?”

“But you always make fun of single people!” My friends were quick to point out.

Well, that’s because it’s OK if it’s coming from me, but you can’t say that stuff.

It’s like for all these years Disney has been laughing in my face while everyone in relationships have just looked the other way.

Don’t believe me? Let’s explore a few films.

Cinderella:Cinderella and Prince Charming fall in love because of a shoe.

The Princess and the Frog: Literally, how can frogs be better at dating than me?

Sleeping Beauty: Coma patients will get married before I do.

Mulan:Seriously? That relationship was doomed from the start, but K.

Tarzan: Tarzan and Jane here, ready to flaunt our relationship.

Lady and the Tramp: This is basically Disney saying, “These dogs are going to enjoy a nice, romantic Italian dinner while all you single people eat ramen alone.

Frozen: Someone having the ability to freeze an entire kingdom is more realistic than a Disney romance ending poorly.

Who cares that we check a different box on our W2 forms. Does that mean we’re so much different? What happened to equality? Why can’t you put someone that looks like me in your romantic-filled movies? Why can’t you make a movie that centers around a young man on a heroic quest for Taco Bell breakfast and a quality nap?

Then I started to connect the dots. It’s no wonder that I start receiving weird looks every time Disney releases a new movie. It’s not surprising that people cross the street when they see me approaching. This is exactly what Disney wants – a civil war, singles vs. couples.

I want to believe Disney has good intentions. I really do. I want to believe that Simba and Nala were brought together by destiny. I’d like to think it was just a coincidence that Flynn and Rapunzel ended up together at the end of Tangled– but I just can’t anymore.

It’s only logical for me to believe that Disney has some sort of vendetta against singles and romantic-comedies have been their elaborate, twisted method for revenge.

“Knowledge is power”

— Aaron Carter

And through education, I hope that the world will finally put an end to this discrimination. I hope that Disney will rethink their cruel ways and then, maybe, one day we can live in a society that happily accepts us for who we are. Single.


About the author: Jon Savitt is a comedian and writer from Minneapolis who has been featured on popular sites and magazines such as Splitsider, Someecards, St. Louis Park Magazine and MPLSzine. His writing can be found on MTV, College Humor, BuzzFeed, Laughspin, Funny or Die, and more. Follow his every move on Twitter @Savittj

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