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September 30, 2016
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In order to win the presidency, Gary Johnson is now campaigning on the assertion that he will resign as president of the U.S. immediately if he were elected.

In order to win the presidency, Gary Johnson is now campaigning on the assertion that he will resign as president of the U.S. immediately if he were elected in order for his Vice Presidential candidate Bill Weld to become president. Elsewise, he doesn’t stand a chance. During the debates, the following will be his answer to every question.

Anderson Cooper
What would you do about Aleppo now that you know what Aleppo is?

Gary Johnson
I’m not even running to be president. I would defer that question to Bill Weld if he were here, though. Remember, Bill Weld is going to be your next president. You may not want to vote for me for president. But it’s okay, people. I’m going to resign to allow a qualified individual to be president. (Sticks tongue out and speaks gibberish).

Trump
I have to say that your cunnilingus technique is terrible. Or is speaking with your tongue out the secret recipe?

Hillary Clinton
Boys will be boys!

Bill Clinton
Is the talking the spicy marinade on the BBQ chicken?

Hillary Clinton
Boys will be boys! (exact tone as before)

Trump
Melania, be a good woman and come over here and let me try this.


SORRY! I just started writing a porno film. I didn’t mean to divert the article so much.

Hillary: Boys will be boys! (exact tone as before)

SHUT UP HILLARY! I’m going to bed now.

What’s the secret sauce?

— Donald Trump
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