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Published November 25, 2012

Things to do before the end of the world
By
Joshua Proctor

12-21-12 is only a few weeks away. Here are some things to take care so that that day will go smooth.

12-21-12_2.jpg

1. Blow all of your money
   It's the end of the world!!! There is no more need to worry about your savings or credit. Go out and buy that 96 inch tv it will be basically free! "Sorry kids your collage fund is now our Rubicon fund"
2. Kill Someone
  Don't lie you always thought about murdering someone and now is the perfect time. By time they catch you (if they do) it will be like 2 weeks from now. They would not have enough time to put you on trial. This is a perfect loophole. It is so perfect that someone is probably planning on doing it to you.
3. Catch up on The Walking Dead
   Hey you don't want to be the only asshole in  bunker who doesn't know who Rick and Shane are do you? How dumb would you feel if everyone is talking about how upset they are about T-Dog and you don't even know who T-Dog is and when they start playing Walking Dead trivia where the loser has to go check outside to see what is going on do you really not want any knowledge of the Dixon family?
4. Find the nearest Mayan person
    Who better to help you get ready for 12-21-12 then a Mayan person. I mean they are the idiots who made that dumb calendar. First ask them why in the hell are they such d-bags. Why can't we have one more Christmas? You should ask nicely for them to talk to their god or cow or whatever they believe to push doomsday back a few weeks. It would be sweet to have one more New Years in and I really would like to see how Breaking Bad ends. Lets aim for 12-21-36
5. Join Twitter
  Joining Twitter is a key part to the end of the world. First off how will you kept track of all your friends and family who is not around you? What is your sister up too? Just check her twitter page. "My husband just killed himself and he didn't even tell me where he put the keys! FML!!" and how great would it be to get tweets from c-list celebrities? I know before I die I would want Bob Saget to tweet at me "yes".
6. Buy a lot of Ke$ha cds
  I can't think of a better soundtrack to die to then the sweet sounds of Ke$ha. Just think about it. When everyone and everything you know and love is getting wipe-out I can't think of a song I rather die to then the classic jam Boots and Boys.
7. Watch the movie Take Shelter
   Get your notepad out and take notes. I guess go ahead and watch Deep Impact and The Day After Tomorrow just in case
8. Think of some great last lines
  Hey you are going to die in about a month. So you should go out on top. What better way then having a great last line to your life. You don't want to go out like some bitch and die by crying "I don't wanna die!" If you can't think of a good last line go ahead and steal one. It is not like someone is going to call you out on it. So when you see your fiery grave approaching yell out "I think we need a bigger boat!"
9. Prepare for 12-22-12
  There is a good chance that this won't happen. So if you do any of these things just be ready to look like a real asshole on 12-22-12 (especially if you did #2)



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