Git-R-Done! Well I’m back from vacation and I’ve enjoyed talkin’ to a lot of you on the Twitter thing for the past few weeks. It’s easy to do but hard on relationships. Every time I went fishin’ with my kid, he would hook himself on several body parts because I was to busy tweeting! I guess I need to set aside certain times. If you wanna to follow me, my address or name or whatever it is... is: Twitter.com/GitRDoneLarry.
I love the cash for clunkers campaign. Last week I got 4,500 bucks for my mother-in-law. I drove by the dealership yesterday and some fat guy was checkin’ her out kickin’ her ankles. What a week huh? Bill Clinton got those two girls out of North Korea. It doesn’t get any better for a guy than that. A private jet, two Asian chicks, and a happy ending!! (That joke is awesome and remember you read it here first!) My brother’s wife is always trying to make herself look beautiful. She just got lip injections. Now she’s ugly with big F’n lips!! You know you’ve gone to far with surgery when you get up in the morning and have to use a tire gage! Did you here about that guy that 4 woman held down and glued his penis to his stomach? Wow! His stomach!!! Be proud my friend. My wife would have to use wire stretchers to get it that far. What about the guy in South Carolina who got arrested for having sex with a horse? Why do they always have to mess with a good “stable” relationship! Badabing!!! Okay, I can’t end with that piece of s##t! I’ve been on Nutrisystem for a year now and I’m proud to announce I’m down 3 dress sizes!!! Thank you good night! Okay, let’s update…
Thanks to everyone who attended the Christmas special taping. It took 4 hours to tape but thanks for hangin’ in there with us. I can’t wait till this one comes out on CMT in November. They keep getting better and better and this one is hilarious! I wanna thank Tony Orlando again for not only being a great friend, but always being my co-host and putting up with all the crap I make him do. The theme this year was tropical and nothin’ says “Merry Christmas” like women in coconut tops and banana thongs. Tis’ the season.
My next CD “Tailgate Party” comes out in September. and the DVD is set to air in January on Comedy Central. On the touring side of things, I’ve got a few shows here and there over the next two months and then we really get back to it in October. Be sure and check the tour schedule to see if I’m coming your way. If I am, I hope to see you soon!
Did you see me win $300,000 for the Arnold Palmer Children’s Hospital - Orthopedics in Orlando on Jeff’s 5th grader show? I will say this though... the show is a little screwed. I’m supposed to say, “I’m Larry The Cable Guy and I’m not smarter than a 5th grader.” When in reality, I made it to the 5th grade and the 5th grader didn’t know the answer either. So actually, I’m smarter than a 4th grader and just as smart as a 5th grader! Let’s set the record straight by God!
Finally, I’m happy to announce that my Foundation, the Git-R-Done Foundation, is up and running. My wife and I started this and none of it could have happened without you my awesome fans. You’re a big part of this and you deserve thanks as well. I’m happy to announce that the Git-R-Done Foundation’s first donation was a Million dollars to the Child Advocacy Center in Lincoln, Nebraska. For information on them and the Foundation, go to GitRDoneFoundation.org. Ya know your official when you’re a dot org. I’ve never been a dot org before and I gotta tell ya, it feels like a dot com only different. Once again thanks for all the support and throughout the year I’ll be doing some shows at various venues to help support the Foundation.
Well that’s it. Have a great rest of the Summer and GIT-R-DONE!! By the way, I think I’ll be on Jay Leno’s new show the second week! I’ll update ya in the news & events column as the time nears. See ya down the road and Git-R-Done!!!!
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