Celebrities See All

Close

Quick Links

or
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Susan LeVine: Logo Designer
Kelly Brotman: Producer/Writer
7 Funny Votes
0 Die Votes
177 Views
Published November 06, 2013

WENDY FRESHNER’S SUMMER JOB SKETCH #3

Camp Counselor

 

 

 

 

 

WENDY FRESHNER- AFTER QUITTING HER LAST TWO JOBS, SHE HOPES SHE CAN FINALLY FIND A JOB THAT SHE IS NOT IN OVER HER HEAD WITH THE CRAZINESS. 

 

NURSE FELICIA OBAMA- AFTER GETTING FIRED FROM HER LAST JOB, SHE NOW HAs TO TAKE THIS LAST RESORT JOB AS A CAMP NURSE.

 

CARLOS JUNIOR- QUEZNO’S SON.

 

EXT. CAMP DANCER

CUT TO:

 

INT. CAMP DANCER: NURSE’S STATION.

(NURSE OBAMA, WENDY, CARLOS JUNIOR)

CAMERA ZOOMS ON FELICIA OBAMA. SHE IS NOW WORKING THERE AS A NURSE.  SHE IS GOING THROUGH HER FILES. SUDDENLY THE PHONE RINGS.

 

NURSE OBAMA

(Answers the phone) Hello this is Camp Dancer home of the dancerettes.

(Pause) Oh it’s you, Gerald. No! Your apologies are meaningless. There is no retaliation for what you have done. I don’t care if my father has the same body as I do, that does not give you the right to sleep in his bed with him. No, don’t you take that tone with me!   If you ever come home again, you can say goodbye Gerald Junior. (Pause) No I don’t mean our son! Your penis! That’s right your dick..

 

MEANWHILE AS NURSE OBAMA RATTLES ON, WENDY FRESHENER COMES DRAGGING IN CARLOS QUEZNO JUNIOR.

 

WENDY

(Coughs) Excuse me, minor in the room.

 

NURSE OBAMA GIVES HER A DISTRACTED SMILE. AND HOLDS UP ONE FINGER. 

 

NURSE OBAMA

(Shouts) Screw you Gerald! How can I ...oh it’s you. 

WENDY

Nurse Obama? What are you doing here?  Aren’t you supposed to be terrorizing the patients at the hospital?

NURSE OBAMA

They fired me.  Apparently they didn’t like me yelling at that Iraq War veteran. Like he couldn’t get his chocolate pudding. Sure, he had his leg amputated, but he had real long arms.  

WENDY

(Rolls her eyes) Whatever. Young Carlos Quezno here is responsible for spreading the mono.

NURSE OBAMA

Mono?! At his age? What are you twelve? Nine?

 

CARLOS JUNIOR SAUNTERS OVER TO NURSE OBAMA’S DESK. HE GIVES HER A FLIRTATIOUS LOOK.

 

CARLOS JUNIOR

I’m fourteen years old and I have come to rock your world, pretty lady.

 

NURSE OBAMA LOOKS AT CARLOS JUNIOR FOR A SECOND THEN RETURNS HER ATTENTION TO WENDY.

 

NURSE OBAMA

Well isn’t he a little Casanova ?

WENDY

(Sarcasm) You should meet his father, a real charmer.

NURSE OBAMA

I’ll bet he is. You know my husband used to be like you young man. Do you know where he is now?

Carlos Junior

Waiting for a death sentence because he has my lady?

Nurse Obama

(Laughs sarcastically) Really cute. He is looking for his penis because I cut it off this morning. Now unless you want to meet that same fate I suggest you behave yourself young man. 

CARLOS JUNIOR GULPS AND IMMEDIATELY STANDS UP STRAIGHT AND LOOKING NERVOUS.

Nurse Obama

Now go off to the cafeteria for lunch and behave. But if I hear word of your disobedience again You can say goodbye to your….

Carlos Junior

Adios Senora Obama.

CARLOS JUNIOR LEAVES THE SKETCH.

Wendy

(Clearly impressed) You know underneath that tough exterior there is a heart of gold isn’t there?

Nurse Obama

(Coldly) Who says my heart is made of gold? I prefer it to be cold as ice.

Wendy

(Confused) Aren’t you a nurse?

Nurse Obama

What’s your point? So how did you know he was the one who spread mono?

Wendy

My camp counselors all seem to have them. I’m the supervising manager.

Nurse Obama

Clearly you are not doing a good job if all your counselors have mono. I have in good mind to call your supervisor.

Wendy

(Sweetly) You wouldn’t do that to an old friend would you?

Nurse Obama

(Snorts) ‘Old friend’ please. Now as ‘old friend’ goes I happen to know your Mom….

Wendy

(Stuttering) Y-you know my Mom?

Nurse Obama

Hmm mm….So how does she like prison? I heard she got arrested for appearing naked at a Justin Timberlake concert. 

Wendy

She wasn’t naked! She  had on a  see through top and...Oh God why am I sharing this?

Nurse Obama

Now should I share this with the camp director or can we make a deal?

Wendy

What kind of deal?

 NURSE OBAMA OPENS A DRAWER AND PULLS OUT A PAIR OF SCISSORS.

Nurse Obama

I want to go to my house at night and go to my guest bedroom, my soon to be ex-husband should be asleep and that is when you take these scissors and do the deed if you know what I mean, Ms. Freshner

Wendy

Are you saying you want me to do…

WENDY MAKES THE SCISSOR MOTION WITH HER HAND.

Nurse Obama

Uh huh, and then we will be even.

Wendy

(Disgusted) I refuse to do such violence. Tell the Camp Director that I resign but before I go Nurse Obama. I just want to say. And I quote NSYNC on this.. ‘Bye Bye Bye’.

End of Sketch.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web

More