I love Beer. If beer had boobs and would give me a blowjob, I’d marry beer. I’m not saying that it would be good for me, or that I wouldn’t miss the intimacy, companionship and emotional support of a real relationship. I’m just saying, I can think of a whole lot of reasons:
Why Beer is Better Than a Girlfriend
Beer won’t make you take out the garbage.
Beer won’t dump you for another guy.
Beer doesn’t care whom you have sex with.
Beer won’t want to introduce you to its parents.
Beer won’t want to introduce you to its friends.
Beer doesn’t call its mother every week.
Beer doesn’t mind if you play video games all weekend.
Beer doesn’t care if you look at porn on the Internet.
Beer won’t correct you in public.
Beer will never remind you what an ass you were.
Beer doesn’t care what the bathroom looks like.
Beer never buys new clothes.
Beer never ogles expensive jewelry.
Beer isn’t looking for “commitment”.
Beer doesn’t care how much beer you drink.
Beer doesn’t mind if you hang out in the garage with your friends until 3:00am.
Your friends like beer.
Beer likes to go fishing.
Beer loves football.
Beer doesn’t expect you to call.
Beer won’t be upset if you’re late.
Beer doesn’t care how you look.
Beer doesn’t care how much money you make.
Beer never has a headache.
You always know where to find beer when you need it.
You can always find a beer that’s within your budget.
Beer likes heavy metal.
Beer doesn’t mind being left in the refrigerator when you don’t want it around.
Beer doesn’t have a period.
Beer doesn’t have kids.
Beer doesn’t want to have kids.
Beer doesn’t need a therapist.
Beer won’t freak out if it doesn’t take its meds.
Beer has no STDs.
Beer won’t ask about your STDs