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Published June 24, 2008

I was recently inspired by the movie, “The Bucket List”, where a couple of men compile a list of things they want to do before they die or more euphemistically kick the bucket. I thought that I should also write one up and share my list with the world. Maybe you can help me with one or two of the things. Any ladies with a name that starts with an “X” can hit me on my cell.

Before I kick the bucket, I want to…

Learn to mime


Wear a tank top to church


Buy “Good Burger” on Blu-ray


Buy a farm


Get the number of a girl whose name starts with an “X”


Discover my name in the Bible Code


Coin a new phrase involving rain


Get reinserted into the Matrix


Climb the world’s largest escalator


Walk “accidentally” into the Ladies’ restroom


Grow a Fu Manchu


Get a manicure – light, oil buff to be exact


Find a hat without fitting everyone else


Learn how to say “gay” in Pig Latin


Discover an alternative fuel


Photoshop my face on the great Sphinx


Glaze a ham


Stop thinking “Golden Corral” is a seafood restaurant


Take off my seatbelt without making a complete stop


Claim to have written Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”


Buy a mockingbird


Eat no more peanuts or products manufactured near peanuts


Hold a Quizno’s tray beside someone’s head when they make a statement


Reveal my cure for the common cold that I have been secretly withholding


Fire a gun


Bust a myth


Move out of my Mom’s basement


Spend all of the money I have saved


Retire at the age of 65


Enjoy a movie about dancing


Consider incorporating free radicals in a unified field theory


Pretend to have read a book that someone else is telling me about


Stay at a hotel using my real name


Drive 55


Reveal my identity as a superhero


Reverse the aging process to make this list no longer relevant


Admit that I believe that it is indeed not butter


Celebrate my 100th birthday by throwing out the first pitch at a Chicago White Sox game
Admit my fear of ferns


Stop talking about myself for 5 minutes


Buy “The Bucket List” on DVD

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