Published June 24, 2008 More Info »
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Published June 24, 2008

I was recently inspired by the movie, “The Bucket List”, where a couple of men compile a list of things they want to do before they die or more euphemistically kick the bucket. I thought that I should also write one up and share my list with the world. Maybe you can help me with one or two of the things. Any ladies with a name that starts with an “X” can hit me on my cell.

Before I kick the bucket, I want to…

Learn to mime

Wear a tank top to church

Buy “Good Burger” on Blu-ray

Buy a farm

Get the number of a girl whose name starts with an “X”

Discover my name in the Bible Code

Coin a new phrase involving rain

Get reinserted into the Matrix

Climb the world’s largest escalator

Walk “accidentally” into the Ladies’ restroom

Grow a Fu Manchu

Get a manicure – light, oil buff to be exact

Find a hat without fitting everyone else

Learn how to say “gay” in Pig Latin

Discover an alternative fuel

Photoshop my face on the great Sphinx

Glaze a ham

Stop thinking “Golden Corral” is a seafood restaurant

Take off my seatbelt without making a complete stop

Claim to have written Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”

Buy a mockingbird

Eat no more peanuts or products manufactured near peanuts

Hold a Quizno’s tray beside someone’s head when they make a statement

Reveal my cure for the common cold that I have been secretly withholding

Fire a gun

Bust a myth

Move out of my Mom’s basement

Spend all of the money I have saved

Retire at the age of 65

Enjoy a movie about dancing

Consider incorporating free radicals in a unified field theory

Pretend to have read a book that someone else is telling me about

Stay at a hotel using my real name

Drive 55

Reveal my identity as a superhero

Reverse the aging process to make this list no longer relevant

Admit that I believe that it is indeed not butter

Celebrate my 100th birthday by throwing out the first pitch at a Chicago White Sox game
Admit my fear of ferns

Stop talking about myself for 5 minutes

Buy “The Bucket List” on DVD