These tweets would like to see you after class.
If you’re a math teacher, a good joke would be to call the store 7-11 “Negative 4”. Then, when nobody laughs, cry in your Kia Sorrento.— opus moreschi (@heyitsopus) September 14, 2016
ME: can i go to the bathroom— local badboy, (@hippieswordfish) August 5, 2016
TEACHER: i don't know, CAN you?
ME: what are you suggesting
I bet a lot of teachers look at Facebook posts and think "oh now you wanna write an essay"— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) September 10, 2016
When I was a kid the teacher would send me to the corner & make me wear a dunce's cap but it had 'shit eating fucker' on it instead.— David Hughes (@david8hughes) July 15, 2016
im on my knees, pleading with my math teacher to let us do subtraction in class. she says addition is more important but i beg to differ— jomny sun (@jonnysun) February 22, 2016
Teacher: Can anyone tell me what this symbol is? π— Captain Antagonist (@AnOrangeSNES) June 30, 2016
Me: A wobbly table
Teacher: It's Pi
Me: HOW CAN ANYONE EAT PIE ON THAT BROKEN TABLE?
SCHOOL NURSE:This student has asthma, he can only run half the 4 minute mile *hands over paper*— pat tobin (@tastefactory) June 15, 2016
GYM TEACHER: What's this
SN: A ran some note
teacher: we are sentient beings— beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien) May 28, 2016
me: BITCH, YOU DON'T KNOW ME
Kickstarter for my all-adults Peanuts cartoon— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) August 28, 2016
Offscreen child: wah wa wah wah
Teacher: Linus, stop quoting St. Mark & just add the fractions
[750 A.D.]— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) May 3, 2016
TEACHER: In the future, messages will be sent through the air
STUDENT: Like...electronic mail?
TEACHER: No, pigeons you idiot
I'll never forget my 8th grade teacher. She was a 12-foot snake monster. Had 4 heads. Ate 7 desks. Killed a kid. Really made an impression.— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) April 26, 2016
Just heard Danger Zone outside of Top Gun which is a lot like seeing a teacher outside of school.— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 8, 2016
TEACHER: christopher columbus? he just didnt really give a shit— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) February 29, 2016
KID: whoa.. the teacher swore haha
TEACHER: bagel fucker
[kid passes out]
It's just like my Sunday School teacher used to say, "Every Friday could be a Good Friday if people would stop acting like cunts."— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) March 25, 2016
me: if ur soulmate dies before u meet them do u get like a backup soulmate— chuuch (@ch000ch) May 13, 2016
professor: i meant questions about the midterm
#tbt to the time my teacher asked if i had enough gum to share with the rest of the class and I fucken DID so he lost his teacher's license— dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) June 23, 2016
Art Teacher: your drawings are due tomorrow— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) February 17, 2016
me: [hours later] maybe add in some grapes
police sketch artist: ..a bowl of fruit attacked you?
Straight bars are fun if you want to see a substitute teacher lose her mind to the Counting Crows' cover of "Big Yellow Taxi."— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) July 24, 2016
*walks into wrong college class*— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) February 17, 2016
me: is this chemistry?
teacher: no this is lit
*everyone starts twerking* (?)
These toilets w two buttons? apparently one is for private photos & the other is for photos to be seen by your teachers— Jon Millstein (@jmillstein) September 12, 2016
imagine the balls on a substitute teacher that doesn't wheel a tv into the class & play a movie.— ryan (@Karate_Horse) July 12, 2016
level 1: realize teachers arent that smart— derek (@eedrk) August 29, 2016
level 2: realize god is fake
level 3: form critical opinions about which fast food burger is best
Fix the schools by requiring all teachers to be cute dogs— donni saphire (@donni) August 31, 2016