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March 19, 2016

Learning about famous works of literature can be confusing and not always fun. So here are some of the most famous poems of all time, reworded, to appeal to the millennial generation

Almost everyone can remember sitting in English Lit 101 and either having no clue what was going on, or being so bored to tears that they couldn’t care less about what was being taught. “Why was this boring and weird poem from hundreds of years ago relevant to us now,?” I thought. I mean, is it a coincidence that an author of one of these poems actually stuck her head in the oven, leading to her own demise? The problem was that none of these works of literature were relatable- until now.

Here are ten of the most famous poems in history, reworded, to appeal to the Snap-chatting generation known as Millennials.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
Because the goddamn road was closed and my stupid Google Maps App took me this way and now I’m going to be late for work SMDH.

A Girl by Ezra Pound

The tree has entered my hands,
The sap has ascended my arms,
The tree has grown in my breast-
And I’ve been on WebMD all day, but I’m still not sure what this is and I’m starting to get worried so I have to get it checked out tomorrow. It says possibly Psoriasis. Who knows?

Let America Be America Again by Langston Hughes

Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.
But I literally can’t even with this election, amirite?

A Word to Husbands by Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup
Whenever you’re wrong admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
But seriously, please stop farting near me. It’s gross. Also, get that spider in the bathroom sink, ok? And just like a LITTLE acknowledgement for taking care of the whole house and kids once and while would be nice. And would it kill you to tell me I look nice?

Digging by Seamus Heaney

Between my finger and my thumb
I have this terrible shooting pain. Here, feel this, Mom. You think it’s from texting too much, maybe?

As Soon as Fred Gets Out of Bed by Jack Prelutsky

As soon as Fred gets out of bed,
his underwear goes on his head.
His mother laughs, “Don’t put it there,
a head’s no place for underwear!”
Fred’s still drunk from the night before. He always does this shit.
You should see how many times he drunk texted his ex last night. Classic Fred.

And The Moon And The Stars And The World by Charles Bukowski

Long walks at night-
that’s what good for the soul:
peeking into windows
is how I used to stalk, but I almost got arrested.
Thankfully Instagram has made it way easier to find out where Jenny is.

How far is it to Heaven by Emily Dickinson

How far is it to Heaven?
And what’s the fastest way there during rush hour? You think I should Waze it?

Watch Your Thoughts by Lao Tzu

Watch your thoughts
For they become words
Watch your words
For they become actions
Watch your actions
For they become habits
And definitely watch your iCloud
because your nudes could wind up all over the Internet and your father will absolutely have a fit.

The Rose by E.E. Cummings

The rose
is dying the
lips of an old man murder

The petals

The rose,
is Amber
ex-wife of Wiz

Her finger in the butt

Best friend of Blac

Kardashian Twitter feud.