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August 30, 2012

I'm fucking pissed at this back lash against objectification.

    Objectification of the opposite sex is the leading cause of artwork, music, comedy and happy thoughts that make you wake up in puddles. Since when did people start to think its okay NOT to objectify each other? Appreciations for beauty has caused ancient wars, sculpture in its finest form and even this really cool rock garden in Florida that defies physics (look it up it). Just because you objectify the other sex doesn’t mean you think any less of their opinions, to be honest, no one cares about each others opinions either way. I don’t know when women started to get all pissed that we find them hot, but that’s about as intelligent as licking a subway hand rail.

    We all objectify each other, ladies, time for you to admit it. Channing Tatum wouldn’t have a career if you didn’t look at those washboard abs and wonder what they tasted like. None of you actually care what Ryan Gosling has to say, you like the fact he breaks up fights and saves women from being hit with taxi cabs. You like these men because they’re men and do manly things, like blow shit up and save women. Hate to break it to you but that’s objectification of men, and I’m perfectly okay with that, I like watching the baby goose slice necks in DRIVE just as much as you do.

    Getting over the fact that we all objectify each other, I’d like to point out why it’s an amazing and wonderful thing to do. Objectification breeds creativity, lust, carnal emotions that translate into art that speaks directly to the human soul. It forces political action, and gives us a reason to wake up in the morning. A deep dark secret about early painters is that they often masturbated to their own paintings. That’s right, it’s pretty well known in art circles that Michelangelo jerked off inside the Sistine Chapel, it doesn’t take away from the beauty of what his lust produced. He created one of the most breath taking pieces of artwork and to him it was just cannon fodder to clean out his urethra. Cleopatra helped rule and entire nation based off of her looks, do you think people thought any less of her because she was hot? If you do you’re probably bitching on the internet and using words like “trigger” and “rape culture” in forums with other idiots that see the world that way. Oh and don’t think its only because I happen to be a crazy free thinker, Tipper Gore started the entire suing of “obscene” music by slipping her hand down Al’s pants at the perfect time.

    If I didn’t want to look good for women, I wouldn’t work out as much as I do, I wouldn’t have awesome hobbies so that I could talk to girls in bars about them. If women didn’t want to impress me the high heel would never have been created, they’d be walking around like African tribes women with floppy tits and babies hanging off them. Making ourselves attractive for the opposite sex is why we care what our salary ranges are, its why we look for new types of music its one of the only god damn reasons we give two shits about anything.

    So stop telling me it’s not okay to stare at a pencil skirt and think about what color panties she’s wearing, because if I’ve done my job, she’s thinking about what size condom I wear (it comes in a gold package for a reason).