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May 06, 2015

A new study has come out with startling facts about funny women.

Recently, a study from Psychology Today came out to reveal that funny men are better in bed. More specifically, they initiate sex more often and provide their partners with more orgasms. A similar study was released shortly thereafter, which unfortunately did not provide the same research-backed results for funny females.

According to the study, female comedians constantly insisted on testing out their ‘material’ or ‘bits’, which leads to a decrease in the man’s sex drive. The unfunny routines left the men wanting to leave more so than to engage in any sexual activity. The necessity to joke while in the confines of a bed led to a decrease in the men’s physical and psychological attraction towards their partners as well as their own desire to live. Female comediennes also spent a good time complaining about other females in the community in front of their partners, which led to sudden onset fatigue syndrome. One participant stated that he had felt depleted, exhausted, and near-death after one conversation. The partner went onto develop what scientists are referring to as vampire anxiety disorder, which is the fear of being around people that ‘suck you dry’ with their venting.

Furthermore, any attempts at humor or ‘being funny’ resulted in men being more likely to abstain from initiating any sexual behavior or emotional connection. A full body thermography scan, which uses an infrared camera to measure the surface temperature of the skin, revealed that the men’s bodies turned cold blue, which is within the spectrum of severe depression and death, when their partners began to joke. The male participants physically went in a catatonic state and exhibited the signs of a symptomless stroke.

In addition, research showed that funny men and funny women, when paired together, were a recipe for disaster with every interaction becoming a game of one-upmanship. Conversations monitored in the bedroom resulted in shouting matches and deliberate refusal to laugh at one another’s jokes. Monitoring the brain waves of the male participants showed accelerated aging of 1-5 years from the initial funny female joke.

When it came to monitoring actual sex, there was no measurable increase or decrease in the amount of orgasms men can have due to the fact that they can only ejaculate once and then die.