DOVER- Stump extractor, Kevin Tumps, was found in front of his Dell laptop at 4:45pm yesterday where he confessed to wasting 5 hours on Red Baron Pizza's website. Kevin told reporters, "I was just toolin' around online when I realized I was real hungry, so I thought I'd check the Red Baron website to see if they still made french bread pizza and they DO, thank God, but the rest... I can't recollect."
Fiona Tumps, Kevin's wife, was the one who discovered him hunkered over his PC. "When I found him he was in a pizza-addled stupor and he wouldn't stop saying 'their zesty sauce can't be beat'" said Fiona. Since the incident, Mr. Tumps says he hasn't experienced any major side effects with the exception of seeing Red Baron's signature flaky crispy crust wherever he goes. He added, "I'm feeling much better than yesterday and as long as Red Baron continues to offer pizzeria taste at a not-so-pizzeria price, I'll be fine."