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October 24, 2017


We all get a million emails a day, from Seamless, our moms, and a newsletter from The Long Island Medium we never signed up for. Here are 12 especially excruciating email subject lines that will make you want to throw your laptop against the wall.

  • Re: re: re: checking in
  • I still don’t feel like I did a good job explaining libertarianism last night
  • Club Penguin ban appeal: denied
  • Help me! This is David Bowie, and I’m trapped in this Dell Inspiron!
  • Your Friday evening trip with Uber: $17,655.00
  • You’re in witness protection? Since when? Found you!
  • I’m ready to offer you that job, if you’ll come meet me in my hotel room. Bring oil.
  • Reminder! Sensitivity training is mandatory for the whole staff, even though we know the problem is Gary.
  • Hi, it’s your roommate. I rubbed my dick all over your laptop. Wash the dishes please
  • Your ISIS membership is approved!
  • URGENT: Your laptop is full of scorpions
  • Hello, Netflix subscriber. Sadly, we’re going out of business.