Davis, UT – Every year, hospitals in the United States dump millions of pounds of unused pharmaceuticals down drains right into America’s drinking water. A recent AP investigation has brought wide spread media attention to the story prompting the federal government to call hearings and local teenagers to drink more water.
Wesley Reese, a C student and video gamer, says the contaminated water is like having a drug dealer in the kitchen. “I drink a dozen glasses of water every night. Just pound ‘em. By midnight, I feel sleepy. I think it’s from the morphine running down my drain.”
“We like to just skip class, drive down to the bridge and drink water. Last Friday, I drank so much water I almost peed myself. Shit gets pretty crazy,” revealed Johnny Tripler, a sophomore who keeps a part time job at a gas station. “Sometimes I’ll drink water at work. It calms me down.”
“I have a really high tolerance,” bragged Shannon Delfy. “I can drink gallons of water at a time and not feel anything. Some of my friends can't hang. They act crazy after only three or four glasses.”
Environmental agencies are pressing officials to regulate how hospitals dispose of the drugs, perhaps going back to the old days when the drugs were incinerated. Teens are planning protests if any action is taking place.