Written By: Kelly Brotman
Email Address: firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you notes
Thank you Nasa for having fidget spinners in space, now we can be easily distracted in the universe.
Thank you 90’s cartoons for the nostalgic innocent days of childhood to be ripped away once you watch the cartoon Rick and Morty.
Thank you Toaster Ovens, to be the miniature safer version of an oven, just wish you don’t need twenty minutes to clean them without cursing it to oblivion.
Thank you Kinder Eggs for being illegal in the United States and for us Chocoholics to considering immigrating to Canada so you can get all the illegal chocolates you want.
Thank you computers for the mute button so that you can play computers games at work without your boss noticing your lack of attention.
Thank you Indonesia Nudist colony for going against the law and for opening a new vacation locations for those who want to be in the nude in Tropical Asian waters.
Thank you Reptair Bars for bringing back 90’s kids childhood plus a hundreds times worth of cavities.
Thank you Halloween costumes rentals for costing us a mint in price for just one to three nights.
Thank you Buzzfeed for coming up with Tasty, making food videos that make me feel like you don’t need to be healthy to enjoy vegan food.
Thank you vampire squid for look ing like a melted strawberry ice cream cone, only if you held it it wouldn’t stick with melted milk sugar but with suckers can stain your skin rather than your clothes.
Thank you hair brushes for looking like oversize tooth brushes that would be used to brushed the Hulk’s teeth in Thor Ragnarock uprising movie.
Thank you Justin Timberlake for playing the halftime game at the Superbowl. he should change his song, Can’t Stop the Feeling, Can’t stop the playing, and it could also be a touchdown song.
Thank you Norway for Europe’s first under water restaurant. Now people will have a choice if they want to dine under in Australia or swim upstream to catch the fresh fish in Norway.
Thank you David Letterman for winning the Mark Twain award, now he needs to receive the William Shakespeare, the Rowling, to complete author awards set to complete.
Thank you man who build life size model of the Tank from Star Wars for Halloween. His wife was disappointed because he much prefer a life size model of Han Solo in their front yard instead.
Thank you food trends that happen in a blink of an eye, which reminds us that there was a time that the coolest thing about it that it was frozen and can be eaten in thirty minutes or less.
Thank you Halloween Greek Goddesses costumes for girls, to remind us that the bitch factor is starting earlier and earlier this year.
Thank you vitamin gummies that confuse us adults on the differences between what’s bad for you or good for you.
Thank you global warming that reminds us that Fall now is near extinction, kids there was once was a time when Pumpkin Spice lattes were to warm us up and not to cool us down.
Thank you Halloween Pumpkin Spice flavored peeps, that reminds us that now more than ever that candy is looking more and more like little gifts that dog’s leaves us on the front yard.
Thank you Halloween Trick or Treaters’s parents who reward themselves the next day where their kids complain about the lack of candy their parents have eaten behind their backs. Which is why kids are going to grow up to hate Jimmy Kimmel.
Thank you Trader Joes for tempting us more and more in the check out lines with their yummy carmel apple spice truffles.
Thank you Fall season for helping us gain the Fall fifteen pounds that keep coming up every year.
Thank you internet for being today’s version of a Thesaurus. Which reminds us that it may weigh less but cost us more year after year.