The Friend Zone Translator
Confused? Not understanding the opposite sex? Crushing on that girl or guy that you’ve been friends with for several months, but are unsure if the feelings are mutual? Luckily for you, I exist.
Due to years of expertise, I have devised a Friend Zone translation method for the masses. This is the most expansive and accurate girl-to guy and guy-to-girl translation method to date. This is literally the Rosetta Stone of Friend Zoned relationships.
Thank me later.
Girl Quotes Translated
Quote Number 1:” I love you like a brother.”
Translation: Having sex with you is as appealing to me as incest.
Quote Number 2:” I really like you as a friend.”
Translation: I’d rather get impaled by a narwhal than have sexual intercourse with you.
Quote Number 3: “Being in a relationship would ruin our friendship.”
Translation: Being stabbed by a knife and being stabbed by your penis would lead to similar outcomes, me in tears.
Quote Number 4: “You’re too nice to date.”
Translation: Grow some balls, bitch.
Quote Number 5: “You’re so great. I’m glad someone listens to my problems.”
Translation: You know what else always listens to my problems? My cat. It has no life either.
Quote Number 6: “I love you…”
Translation: Like a teddy bear. And no, I won’t have sex with you. I’m not a furry.
Quote Number 7: “My boyfriend is such an asshole. Let me tell you about him.”
Translation: Hey, you kind of remind me of Dr. Phil. It’s probably the baldness.
Quote Number 8: “You’re so sweet.”
Translation: Cotton candy is sweet too and I’m sure as hell not dating that.
Quote Number 9: “Do you want to go to the movies?”
Translation: No one is paying for me to see Twilight.
Quote Number 10: “I’m just not ready for a boyfriend.”
Translation: Don’t take rejection too hard. We can still watch terrible romantic comedies together.
Guy Quotes Translated (Translation wasn’t overly difficult.)
Quote Number 1: “Hey.”
Quote Number 2: “You’re a good friend.”
Quote Number 3: I admit it. I love you
Translation: Just love me back! And also…sex?