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September 16, 2011

Meet the only people in the world who aren't happy about this.



Maybe you've been feeling warm and tingly and warm and tingly for the past two days, non-stop, but have you ever stopped to think how these wicked hot pictures of ScarJo are affecting other people around the world right now? 

WHO: The very first guy who leaked the ScarJo nude shots.
WHY: He feels awful right now. His wrist does, anyway.

WHO: The Amish. 
WHY: Whaddya mean, WHY? 

WHO: The Islamic Faith
WHY: To the ones who worship her, the depiction of their God in the media is strictly forbidden. 

WHO: Shia Labeouf 
WHY: Claims to bang everyone in every movie he does, Michael Bay got her to do "The Island" but NOT "Transformers" ?!

WHO: Nerdy guys who want to see “The Avengers”.
 WHY: Their theater will now be filled with douchebags yelling “Take it off!”

WHO: That Japanese kid you always play “Halo” with who’s never heard of Scarlett Johansson.
 WHY: He’s wondering where you’ve been all day.

 WHO: Museums
WHY: They’ve been offering paintings and statues of naked people up for years...but NO.....

WHO: Barack Obama
WHY: “Trying to pass a jobs bill here! Can everyone stop looking at their iPhones for a second!”

 WHO: Woody Allen.
WHY: Just realized how old she was, no longer into it. His movie Vicky Christina Barcelona ... will be remembered as “Vicky Christina Bares-Her-Arse-Alone-a”.

WHO: Danny Devito
WHY: His pictures dropped the same day, did anybody notice?

 WHO: Charlize Theron
WHY: Now, when people try to tell them apart, Scarlett will be “The One With the Wicked Nice Bum Pics”, and she will be “The One Who Was Ugly and Fat In That One Movie”.

 WHO: Scarlett Johansson’s mirror
WHY: After being asked “Who’s the fairest of them all?” for years, now has to deal with a few more seriously complicated questions.

 WHO: Natalie Portman
WHY: Unless she bares all soon, SHE’LL be the “OTHER” Boleyn Girl.

 WHO: Creepy photoshoppers
 WHY: The hours upon hours they spent delicately and carefully Photoshopping her head onto the bodies of porn stars was all for naught.

 WHO: Osama Bin Laden
 WHY: His feelings were already totally hurt when the U.S. government didn’t release the last photos of him, now, he’s so yesterday.

 WHO: Moammar Gadhafi
WHY: Supposed to be in hiding, this dumb place doesn’t have Wi-Fi.

 WHO: Julian Assange
WHY: Nobody will ever, ever care what this guy has to say about “leaks” again. 

WHO: Scarlett Johansson
WHY: Ten THOUSAND new texts from Rosie O’Donnell?????!?!?!