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12 Funny Votes
1 Die Votes
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Published May 03, 2011
Morpheus puts one pill in each hand and holds them out to Neo.

MORPHEUS:
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up and believe...whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill...you stay in wonderland and I show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Neo reaches forward to grab the red pill.

MORPHEUS
Wait. I'm not finished.

Morpheus reaches into his pocket and takes out two more pills. He holds them up, one at a time.

MORPHEUS
You take the yellow pill, you will trip balls. I'm serious, it's craaazy. You take the green pill, you will just throw up for like an hour. Honestly I'm not even sure why I hold onto it.

Neo again reaches toward the red pill.

MORPHEUS
Continue to wait.

Morpheus pulls out a briefcase and opens it to reveal row upon row of pills nestled into individual grooves. He points at each one in turn.

MORPHEUS
Now this pink pill will relieve your cough and cold. But be warned. Only for up to four hours. This orange pill is just a placebo, it doesn't really do anything. The black pill is licorice. The white pill is just a rolled up piece of paper, I didn't have enough pills to fill all the grooves. The magenta pill--

NEO
I'm ready to take the red pill.

MORPHEUS
But you haven't even seen this little light blue pill that gives you a four hour erection.

Pause.

NEO
Why would I need a four hour erection?

MORPHEUS
(shrugs)
I don't know. Four hours of sex?

NEO
Oh, I hadn't thought about that. Actually, do you just have some weed?

MORPHEUS
In a pill?

NEO
No. What is it with you and pills? I think you have a serious problem. Look at yourself. You're dressed in black, living in this abandoned building with a briefcase full of pills. You need help, man. I don't even know if I want to go down the rabbit hole with you now. Wait a second, is that a euphemism?

Morpheus lowers his head and refuses to answer.

NEO
Oh, gross, seriously? You were going to drug me and then try to get me to explore your "rabbit hole"? Forget it, I don't want any of your pills. Just give me that collectible spoon you promised to give me if I came here.

Neo holds out his hand.

Morpheus stares at him, wordlessly.

Neo lowers his hand and narrows his eyes.

NEO
You son of a bitch. There is no spoon is there?


THE END
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