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November 05, 2015
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Rock n' Roll Genitalia

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It’s hard to believe it’s been forty years since “The Song Remains The Same” concert film was released in theaters. The film captured Led Zeppelin at the pinnacle of their artistry and fame, cementing their status as rock gods. We sat down with Robert Plant’s cock and balls to reminisce on the anniversary of that legendary concert film…

BS: In his day, Robert Plant was a true rock god. The kind we don’t see anymore. What was it like to be his cock and balls?

ROBERT PLANT’S COCK - I’m not going to lie to you - It. Was. Amazing. And continues to be so.

ROBERT PLANT’S COCK: Things have not slowed down in the ol’ tickle-tail department, if you know what we mean.

ROBERT PLANT’S BALLS: You know how you watched these rock stars over the decades and thought, “I wonder how these guy are going to age?” Well, it turns out - really fucking well.

ROBERT PLANT’S COCK: I’d say we’re getting it more today then in the seventies. These milennials man. Horny buggers. Same sex, opposite sex, they don’t care. They got that thing… what’s it called…?

ROBERT PLANT’S BALLS: Polyamory.

ROBERT PLANT’S COCK: Polyamory. We used to call it a Friday night in Dresden!

BS: The 70’s were certainly good to you guys. But the 80’s less so. What was it like to have such a drop-off after those heady days?

ROBERT PLANT’S BALLS: To be honest, the 80’s were a breath of fresh air.

ROBERT PLANT’S COCK: Quite literally. I convinced Robert to go with Hammer pants for awhile. It was a slice of heaven, let me tell you.

BS: Did you have a say in the pants selection or was it all Robert?

ROBERT PLANT’S BALLS: Not a lot of people know this but Bonham was the stylist for the entire band. And he wasn’t shy about handling your bits and pieces to make an outfit work.

ROBERT PLANT’S COCK: John Bonham gave me more hand jobs than Pamela Des Barre.

BS: Any regrets?

ROBERT PLANT’S BALLS: Dead hookers.

ROBERT PLANT’S COCK: Well…

ROBERT PLANT’S BALLS: So many dead hookers.

ROBERT PLANT’S COCK: Balls-

ROBERT PLANT’S BALLS: Sorry.

BS: Wait, what-

ROBERT PLANT’S COCK: I do have one regret. After being crammed in those pants on stage for three hours, it would have been nice to have a shower. A little whore’s bath even. But, nope, it was always right off stage, straight to blow job city.

ROBERT PLANT’S BALLS: I often think of the poor men and women who had to put us sweaty things in their mouths back stage. But… They didn’t seem to care so much, looking back.

Robert Plant’s Cock and Balls will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Genitalia Wing this January on the Palladia network.

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