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March 26, 2016

After failing on arbitrary Lental promise to give up his favorite snack, Pope Francis converts to Satanism.

Harrowing news today from the Vatican, as the Catholic world has been left in shock. Beloved Pope Francis has apparently defaced St. Peter’s Basilica with the numbers “666” in black graffiti, and has been seen from the balcony with his left hand in the air giving the satanic salute known as The Devil’s Triad.

As the world is left jolted, there are many wondering how this could have happened. Some were blaming music lyrics and film, while others blamed Planned Parenthood. Clearly little was known until a prominent Cardinal came forward. “I can’t believe this is happening,” remarked Cardinal Sean Patrick O'Malley, “all because he ate a Butterfinger.”

According to Vatican sources, it’s been an annual tradition of the Pope’s to give up his favorite treat for Lent. “40 days without one specific piece of sugar has never seemed very difficult, but all it takes is one time,” added an emotional Vatican spokeswoman, “I only wonder what those from Third World countries give up for Lent.” Pope Francis has been known to consume two King Size Butterfinger bars a day, known as his only guilty pleasure.

Moments ago Pope Francis posted a picture on his Instagram account, containing only these words:

Sanctus Satanas, Sanctus
Dominus Diabolus Sabaoth.
Satanas – venire!
Satanas – venire!
Ave, Satanas, ave Satanas.
Tui sunt caeli,
Tua est terra,
Ave Satanas!

One can only imagine what affect this will have on the Catholic community this Easter weekend, but Satanic cults around the world are rejoicing and claiming this as a giant victory.

This is a developing a story.