……Whoah! Where the Hell am I!? All I remember is someone chowin’ down on my ne- HOLY SHIT! I’m so fuckin’ hungry! Man I’m hungry. I need some food and I need it now. What’s that noise? Oh, it’s a dude. Hey dude. Whatcha doin’ dude? Dude? Food? C'mere food! Where you goin’ food? Foooooooooood!
So I just chewed off my best friends face. Mark and I had known each other since we were kids, yummy yummy kids, and I ate him. I think it’s poetic in some way. Mark sure screamed a lot, especially when I tore off his nose and sucked out his eyeball. He’s basically a stain on the ground now and I gotta say I’m feelin’ pretty indifferent about that. I’m sure about one thing though, he was deeee-lish!
Feelin’ kinda proud of myself because I just ate out my first college girl. Sure it was from the head down but it still counts, don’t it? Yeah, it counts.
Seventy six thousand four hundred and forty five bottles of beer on the wall, seventy six thousand four hundred and forty five bottles of beer, you take one down and pass it around, seventy six thousand four hundred and forty four bottles of beer on the wall. Seventy six thousand four hundred and forty four bottles of beer on the wall……
This new guy, Kevin, is a complete weirdo. Seriously, before he shuffled into the herd no-one, I mean no-one, ate the dicks. You can chew on a dick forever but they’re like an Ever Lasting Gob Stopper, except it’s a dick. Whenever we corner a meat bag it’s the first thing the dude goes for. He drops to his knees quicker than a two dollar hooker and…..dicks ahoy!
This fresh chicks been with the group for like three days now and her tit has totally been hangin’ out the whole time. I think rigor mortis is startin’ to set in.
Well, my dick fell off today, so there’s that. It sort of bothers me but then again, it doesn’t if you know what I mean? It’s not like I’d been usin’ it or anything. It felt like it was gonna drop for a few days now but I made sure Kevin wasn’t around when it did. We don’t eat each other because it’s just gross and wrong, but that guys dick crazy. I wouldn’t put it past him.
Fuckin’ finally! I’m free! I was stuck on that fuckin’ branch for like three months. No matter what I did I couldn’t get loose. I pushed forward listlessly, I moaned, I gnashed my teeth and even weakly flailed my arm but nothin’ worked. If that dude didn’t step on that branch in the woods behind me I’d still be there. I’m so glad he came along when he did. He was useful and tasty.
This forest goes on for freakin’ ever man. I feel like I’ve been bouncin’ round this place like a God damn pinball. It’s not like I got anything else to do but this is gettin’ to the point of not….wait a minute? What’s that? Blonde chick! Blonde chick! Food! God dammit I’m so friggin’ hungry I could eat her whole. Wait, has that walker got a sword? Since when did we ge-…………