Anyone who has seen either of the Home Alone movies has had that moment where they’ve stopped laughing to think, “Whoa, this shit is FUCKED. UP.” Of course, it’s easy to move past it and get back to the lols pretty quickly, but you can never again deny the truth: What happened to that kid was a true nightmare scenario … AND IT HAPPENED TWICE! It’s safe to assume that Kevin’s adult life is likely less-than-ideal. But that’s just it, we’ve always had to assume … until now.

That’s right, kids. The Mac is back, baby!

In the premiere episode of a new series created by that one guy from The Moldy Peaches (Jack Dishel), Culkin stars as a substitue Uber-like driver who, get this, can’t drive. After switching to the backseat he unloads his tale of a childhood Christmas gone awry, his “bastard of a brother,” his C-word of a mother, and what it’s like to not even be able to eat a pizza without having to “go to war.”

Then just like clockwork, things turn darker when the two are carjacked in broad daylight. But while he never learned to drive, you can bet your fucking ass Kevin never forgot how to quickly set a booby trap.

via Jack Dishel