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August 05, 2016
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The US Men's Olympic Basketball Team are so much better than the competition, they don't even realize they're not at a dunk contest.

Dear Diary,

Wow! Being part of the 2016 US Olympic Men’s Dunking Team is so fun. During the NBA season I get tired of trying really hard at basketball. It is nice to take a break and do a competition where my buddies and I try to outdo each other on dunks.

We did a warm up dunk contest this week, and I tried to do a really great 360 degree dunk. And a confused Chinese basketball student wandered onto the court and kind of messed me up. I think I’ll try it again on Saturday when China comes again to watch our first official Olympic dunk contest. Check out my sweet move:

I know embedding a video of yourself doing an awesome dunk into your own diary is a little weird, but this is my dairy, so I get to make the rules! (And if I could make up the rules for the Olympic dunking competition, style would be worth the most points!)

See, the US is the only team in the dunk competition, and all these other countries sent basketball players to watch us and learn from our dunks. They can come on the court to watch us close up. Usually it doesn’t bother me. On Monday a group of Venezuelan basketball students will learn from us in our second dunk contest. I can’t wait to do my best dunks for them so they can take dunking back to their country! Boy, I am really getting into the Olympic spirit!

Today I actually got to talk to one of the Latvian basketball players that came to the Olympics. I asked him how he was enjoying watching our dunk contest. He said, “You egotistical American,” and walked away. I don’t really understand the Latvian culture, but I guess that’s what the Olympics is about.

And guess what? In between the dunk contests, we get to go stay on a cruise ship! It’s just dunks, cruise ship, dunks, cruise ship- my perfect vacation! I’m enjoying it almost as much as I enjoyed this dunk:

One thing I’m a little confused about is how the points work. I keep hearing people say that the “US will definitely win gold.” I thought that the winner of the dunk contest got Kobe Bryant’s shoe contract. I like gold, but I love shoe contracts.

Tomorrow we are going on a tour of the “Olympic Village.” I hope I get to talk to an Olympic gymnast. Gymnastics is sort of like a dunk contest without basketballs. I want to invite Gabby Douglas to come stand on the court during one of our dunk contests- she is so small we could do some crazy tricks dunking over her!

Well diary, I’d better go practice some of my dunks. Just kidding! Everyone knows the Olympics isn’t about trying hard! Come to think of it, all those dramatic movies about the Olympics like Miracle and Chariots of Fire don’t make any sense to me anymore (why was everyone so stressed out?), but that’s ok. I’m having a great time.

Got to go, it’s five o’clock, and that’s when the team is scheduled for their daily session of making fun of Draymond Green for his penis Snapchat.

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