As I am transitioning from my early 20s to almost my mid 2os, I hear a lot of the folks I grew up with complaining about, and even fighting the fact that we are growing up.... this doesn't bother me. I like growing up, I can use my real ID to get drunk, I can grab someone's ass in the super market and when they look around... theres a group of teens and a 20something in her work clothes buying milk... walk away unsuspected... some Kaiser Soze shit
Now the transition from elementary school to High school... THAT fucked me up. Thats the growing up that screwed it allll up for me! I'm still angry about that!
Everything changes so dramatically, All the things that were awesome in 5th grade are the same things that ensure you don't go to prom or don't get your boobs touched (on purpose... by a boy) throughout those 4 excrusiating years!
And I'll tell ya, in my day... I was awesome.... Let me bring you back:
*wind chimes*... oh and a flute... I like that
I remember one time in 4th grade, at recess, I ate 5 worms...
That day at lunch, some kid just gave me his pudding, just gave it to me! I think he may have even bowed down as he approached, I'm pretty sure
Or another time, in 5th grade I beat up this boy in the gym, after being carried away by the gym teacher as my name was chanted melodiously... I went to the bathroom to clean up, and my name was written on the wall... That I was kool... yup, with a K
Also, I was THE CHAMP at lunch tray mash up.. yes, the champ, admit it, you just got chills. There was nothing you could mush, smush, mash and cover in cafeteria chocolate milk that could stop me!
One time, in the midst of a 30 second taco meat, grapes, peas, Hi-C, jello, mystery sauce challenge... over the crunching of the cafeteria grade A taco meat, I heard someone call me magnificent, it was a teacher, I heard it... if I am remembering correctly, there was a tear on her cheek... wait, no thats silly.... Of course I am remembering right.
And then... somewhere around 8th grade... boom! everything changed!
9th grade we all started High school and suddenly I would hear things like
"Dude that bitch is eating a fucking worm"
I beat up a boy in the gym that year, my name was still written on the bathroom wall... except kool was spelt with a D-Y-K-E... yup, all caps
Lunch tray mash... now that got interesting. I realized in high school that there was money to be made... which kinda made it worth "magnificent" being swapped out for slop troll.
As an adult I can be as wierd as I want and I now know my world is much larger than the 3 story Washintonville High School, that you can express yourself without fear that some air head or walking ball sac is gonna mock it and put it on display as some fart joke for their minions, not ever give a shit again about which lunch table you will sit at, or that your group of friends are the losers.... suddenly that bitch Emily telling everyone in school that I had head lice is something I can laugh about.... an evil laugh I use to choke back tears.. that then leads to a maniacal crazy laugh as I imagine using a flame thrower to turn her into ashes that I will sprinkle on goat shit and then dance to "Amadeus" and..... I mean, it's whatever. Toally forgotten....
Hall of Fame