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August 14, 2011

Dan America adjusts to turning 30.

Americans, I Dan America have been stricken with a terrible misfortune of ageing to the age of 30. Instead of viewing it as a crisis, I decided to embrace “The Golden Years.” 

Because now I can say things like; “ Huh huh huh  Hey baby, so do you like older guys?”

I am happy to report that I have no need to go out and buy clippers intended for nose hair, ear hair or any other strange patches of hair, that surprise you when it is grass in a field.

I can still become sexually aroused; I have not scheduled a colonoscopy or plucked any grey hairs.


America, I don’t want people to dread getting older as much as they do in America. I blame it on those whom consume more make up the older they get. This includes, men who join the Hair Club for Men. It is not the Fashion industries fault. It is the people who take it seriously.

All this silly talk that people in their twenties talk, about not wanting to turn thirty, I have found a beacon of light in the darkness for all you young Americans. The minim age for a American Senator is 30!

That’s right kids; they leave the big boy stuff up to the big boys, but don’t worry. Dan America is on every Americans side. I can’t let you kids be senators though, but you can look at my age, because I am proud to be a 30 year old American.

And remember all you young Americans, if you find my pride to be silly, then what are you going to do? Your time is running out. Every second of every minute, is passing, leaving you. Pay attention!  There it goes.

It’s gone.  You’re getting older and you can’t stop it.

I Want You America! To stop fearing getting older, take it from me Dan America. When you turn 30 you can target; naïve people in their early twenties to seduce and have sex with it, because it will be easy because your 30.