Yo, the night be 4-20, all through the frat house,
Bros were feebly stirring to the sounds of deadmau5.
The dimebags were stashed ‘neath the mattress with care
Come morning, there were Guevera t-shirts to wear.
The white people got occupied counting their dreads,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
(That part is the same, because sugar-plums are the shit. You ever had one?)
I slept on the pool table, eyes red as the devil.
I blaze like everyone else, because I am a rebel.
Then out on the curb I heard someone yell,
Sprayed two squirts of AXE to help hide the smell.
I can’t run that fast, because I’m a pretend vegan.
My body so sluggish ‘cause I sleep 10 hours min.
It was mad early, like eleven o’clock maybe
Walked past kids on the quad and that one teacher’s baby
My head was way pounding ‘cause I’d had two beers
Then who did I see, but Woody from “Cheers”.
Mr. Harrelson stood among the rowdy crowd.
Though he’s best playing measured, he was quite loud.
He was in “The Hunger Games” because he’s always lit.
Leading a chant of “legalize it”.
“Nice dubstep, I’m dancing! Now, to quote Nixon,
I am not a crook, stupid, just a guy who likes blitzing
It enhanced the one time that I went to MOMA
I’m tired of pretending that I have glaucoma!”
Dry leaves and paper as far as I looked
Not a single person at all getting booked.
One day a year, the cops don’t care much.
Even think I saw one buy a guy’s kush.
The one day a year much better than most.
Spend my afternoon getting more burned than toast.
Which I would do anyway, but outside, so it’s nice.
I ironically listen to Vanilla Ice.
Joint passed around a circle, already rolled.
Wearing a hemp sweater, so I am not cold.
Glad it’s pre-rolled though. Sometimes I forget.
No, I mean, I know how, but I’m high as Tibet.
So grateful for the company of family and friends,
Sitting on the lawn, occasionally swapping tens.
That one random friend we only know by last name.
If I knew Lebowski, I’d treat him the same.
Woody walks by, a pipe held tight in his teeth.
Dude, you are like a god, we are all just beneath.
He gives me another joint, or should I say “bequeath”?
I will say “bequeath” because I majored in English all of a week.
I’m so super hungry now, not even faking.
Secretly hoping no one suggests gluten-free baking.
Yes! A contest follows of who can eat the most Cheetos
It sets the men from the boys, the Michaels from the Titos.
We are so cool, the Man can’t keep us down.
I will never be another monkey-suit business clown.
I know that my parents are lawyers and one-percenters and stuff
But trust me, I’m not them, watch me take a puff.
Bob Marley’s my idol, though I’m white as a ghost.
And I can name two songs by him at most.
He is my brother, I’ll be sad when he’s dead.
Okay, didn’t know that, wasn’t on the Wiki I read.
Guys, so glad you like me, I know you would not
If my cousin didn’t know a guy who knew a guy with pot.
If your mom asks you, where will you say you were?
Just joking, I’m not worried about that either.
Whoa, I am tripping now, look what I did!
I’ve got a bad nosebleed, got them as a kid.
This has been fun though, I’ll see you around.
I love “Cheers” and Snoop Dogg and things that grow in the ground.
As I climb into bed, to sleep it all off,
I realize I have got myself smoker’s cough.
The price of being a kingpin and doing drugs a lot.
I’ve smoked up four times and NEVER been caught.