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Justin Bieber Selena Gomez

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March 29, 2013

The King of the Beliebers writes a deeply personal letter to his former flame Selena Gomez after she gave him the pickled kick to the valley of no women.

Hey you guys,


It's me, Justin. But you know that already. My six pack is quivering as I'm writing this, the anger is heavy man, a lot of bull-crap has been misinterpreted by the gosh-darn media talking about me, my beliebers, and that girl who I thought would always be mine, mine, mine. I just wanna say sorry for my weird behaviour, I hope I can make a better role-model for my male fan base in particular, ideally by making my sizzled pecs even more rock hard than they already are, seriously, Michael Flately could do the Riverdance on this chest and you'd still hear that CLICK-CLACK sound that those Irish shoes make when you're tapping fast with your feet. I tried that once but I ended up dislocating my mom's hip and shoulder which is crazy cause' I was the one dancing; I'm not even sure how that even happened. I hope it won't happen again, but NEVER SAY NEVER. Gosh, maybe FunnyorDie wasn't the best forum to write this aplogy. 


Ok, here we go, sorry Selena, I miss you, that Spring Breakers poster was epic. I mean, holy shit; just look at James Franco. I hope my Beliebers and Beliebettes can forgive this unholy fool. I'm drumming away on my huge drum kit with my bare hands as drum sticks to feel better. Truth.