Deadbeat Dad Deceives Family By Masquerading As Nanny
An out of work actor who lost custody of his children has been caught dressing in drag as part of an elaborate ruse to pass himself off as a British middle-aged Nanny. He was apparently able to deceive his loved ones for some time, despite his large frame, hairy hands and unconvincing accent. His children are said to be ‘traumatised’.
Disturbed Man Arrested For Animal Cruelty
A flamboyant ‘Pet Detective’ is being questioned by the authorities after dozens of animals were discovered trapped in his studio apartment. The creatures subjected to these cruel living conditions included penguins, raccoons, an array of birds, a chinchilla, a monkey, a large gecko and even an otter.
The animals are believed to have remained undiscovered for years due to their impressive ability to hide on demand.
Beware: Your Dreams May Be Getting Hacked
Have you noticed two handsome men and a petite young woman in your dreams lately? If so, you could have been the target of what’s being referred to as a ‘dream hack’. Even more worrying, is that this group seem to be able to hack dreams within your dreams and even dreams within your dreams within your dreams.
It is still unknown quite how they’re able to accomplish this, but citizens are being warned not to fall asleep in public.
Cable Company Apologises For ‘Insane’ Employee
A leading cable provider has apologised after an employee stalked a customer and subjected him to prolonged psychological torture. What’s more concerning, is that this does not appear to be an isolated incident, as more victims of this psychopath continue to step forward.
The statement reads:
Going forward, all employees will be subjected to stringent background checks. Victims of this deranged individual are being offered a 25% discount of our new premium service (subject to a fixed 200 dollar installation fee).