Those Were Different Times Contest #33
Introducing: "LEARN WHILE YOU SLEEP "BASIC CONDITIONER""
Best Unrelated But Poignant Rant:
Also handy for learning how to write classic captions that you can use over and over and over and over again. Hits like:
"Does this (noun) make me look fat?"
"Thanks MTV for pimping my (noun)!"
"Nobody puts (pronoun/noun) in the corner."
"(noun) = X amount of money.
(more expensive noun) = larger amount of money.
(ridiculous situation) = Priceless."
"Hey, who invited (drug addled celebrity)?"
"Hey, who invited (gay celebrity)?"
"Hey, who invited (fat celebrity) ?"
and last but not least, a tutorial on the proper usage of "L's" and "R's" when working with Asians in a photo...
10. Write down your bank account number and send it to the doctor!
9. "Buy the whole damn catalog of shit we sell...zzz...I can, I will, I must...zzz
8. *Side effects include waking up very angry & confused. This program meant only for individuals who cannot read. Genie not included.
7. ....bush is useless. It must die, George...scratch...bush is useless. It must die, George...scratch...bush is useless. It must die, George...scratch...
6.2. + 6. SLEEP AS YOU LEARN...
* Divorce attorneys are like the House in Vegas.
* Cat burglars often strike at night.
4. I bought this because being an insomniac I wanted to learn to sleep, but later found out it didn't work that way
3. ....apparently my subconcious mind wanted me to rape a dog and eat 12 boxes of Ho-Ho's. Wonder what I'll do tommorrow?
2.11589632. My husband got this for me for Christmas but I haven't learned anything! In fact, I'm constantly distracted with all of the fellatio I've been giving him lately.
2. Hair to genital Siamese twins are too dangerous to separate, so Gene just made the most of it.
1.999. Stop wearing harem-pants and “Hammer”-dancing while unconscious.
1.875. At last, believably deny sleep-raping your spouse.
1.0001. Conquer the embarrassment of being poorly-drawn.
1. Finally subdue frightening electrified-Genie nightmares.