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January 06, 2015

Friends is streaming on Netflix now! So Gilmore Girls can burn in hell.


Gilmore Girls vs Friends. Two shows enter, one show leaves.

So many great shows are streaming on Netflix these days! Just last fall Gilmore Girls joined the Netflix lineup, giving fans a chance to rediscover how great the millennial dramedy was. For weeks the internet was abuzz with best-episode lists and cast reunions, reminding us all how hilarious and touching Lorelai, Rory, and the gang could be.

But now Friends is streaming on Netflix. And Gilmore Girls can burn in hell.

The One Where No One’s Ready

Episode 2 of season 3 took place in real time, as each character hilariously failed to get ready in time for an increasingly frantic Ross’s work event. Monica freaked out over Richard’s voicemail, Rachel blackmailed Ross into drinking fat, and Joey and Chandler’s couch cushion war alone is enough to make you realize that Gilmore Girls is nothing. Nothing. Your excitement about it was embarrassing.

The One Where Ross Finds Out

It’s easy to forget that Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer had genuine romantic chemistry, never more so than in “The One Where Ross Finds Out.” The moment when they finally kiss outside Central Perk will bring home just how pathetic you were for trying to get your cozy nostalgia hit from fucking Luke and Lorelai on Gilmore Girls. Remembering how much I cared about their romance as recently as November just made me vomit into a trashcan.

The One With The Embryos

Friends was always at its best when it was true to its title: episodes that showcased the cast’s very real affection for each other. This episode, where the friends answered trivia questions about each other, showed why it was such a massive hit, and why you would have been better served spending your evenings just thinking about this one 22-minute jewel of broadcasting than watching a single second of Rory and Lane’s friendship. Yes they seemed very sweet in October when Netflix started streaming, before we had 24/7 access to Joey and Chandler bickering, but now they are as ashes. I should have waited for Friends. We all should have waited.

Hey, remember when Rory and Paris went to the Bangles concert? Trick question. Only bad people remember that.

The One With The Two Parties

There is only one purveyor of shiny-haired soothing almost-jokes that matters and it’s Friends. We know that now. We were fools.

The One With Rachel’s Phone Number

I’m pulling up Gilmore Girls on Netflix right now just to punch the screen.

The One Where Emma Cries

God. I just wish I could reach into my brain and find the part that thought, “Hey, Gilmore Girls is on Netflix! It really holds up,” and just pinch. Just pinch and pinch and then put a tiny picture of Matt Leblanc there.

The One With All The Birthdays

You know what really holds up though? The X-Files.