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December 18, 2010

Sister Janina Vagina, a nun from Poland, takes you on a rollicking good time as she shares her memories of a long line of family Vaginas - from her sister, also a nun, Sister Regina Vagina, who now lives on a rez with an Indian tribe she created, The Cheroquoix, who went all "Dances With Wolves" and now believes she is a shaman named, "Breaks Like the Wind", to her famous relatives, like Aunt Jemima Vagina, her not so famous relatives, such as her cousin "Kinda" Vagina, a boy of questionable paternity, and many other characters and stories, and items of food.

Oh, hello, my dears!

I am Sister Janina Vagina, graduate of The Holy Convent of Emasculation.  The only nut sacks around the convent were the ones the squirrels were carryin'.

I come from a very long line of Vaginas.  There's my sister, Sister Regina Vagina, Hermina Vagina, and one you're sure to know if you love a hearty breakfast, Aunt Jemima Vagina.

Dears, when I left Poland, all I had were the clothes on my back and my cat.  You know, I believe a woman should never be separated from her pussy.  My pussy is longhaired also, so there is constant grooming, dematting, shampooing, and too many applications of Febreze.  Still, I can't get that damn thing to come when I tell it to.

In Poland, J's are pronounces as Y's, thus I am Yanina, not Janina.  Therefore, Jesus is Yesus, not Jesus.  It's that simple, dears.  Are there any Yohns or Yames in your family?

Sister does not discriminate against any creature on God's earth, except for assholes.  If YOU are an asshole, then I'll ask you now to politely "feck off".

Sister loves her Sangria, and she enjoys her drinks like her men, fruity and filled with alcohol.  Although, as you know, Sister is married to a dead man with magical powers.  Somehow this shit is legal and it tickles my funny bone each time I say it.

I know that many of ya were taught that Yesus was a carpenter, and that's true, dears.  But how many of you know he was also a cowboy?  When I renewed my vows with the Lord about 5 years or so ago, our wedding song was "Cowboy" by Kid Rock.  Dears, when Kid says, "I wanna be a cow-boy, bay-beeee," I just get so tingly inside.  Sometimes followed by smelling like fish.  Not sure of the origins of that calamity.  We Vaginas are extremely hygienic.

I look forward to telling you my story and sharing some "what-what" with all of you.  Come along for the ride, won't you dears?