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May 21, 2013

Sure Tijuana is a beautiful place, but, well so is Antartica.

1. First of all this…

Contrary to popular opinion… this is actually not photoshopped. Government leaders really do ride raptors and fire machine guns at random in Tijuana. You’ve been warned.

2. Secondly, our little friend here…

Here in America we people old dead guys on our currency. Not the same for Tijuana ians…. Tijuanaians? They picked a random ne’er-do-well to represent the face of Mexican currency.

3. Yes. This…

Exactly. Goats are not just used for milk and cheese and cuteness in Tijuana. They are treaded as humans, and sometimes… even greater than humans.

4. How could I forget…

There’s nothing to be said here. You know this.

5. Fifthly…. This…. (wait, is fifthly really a word?)

So you thought getting your car stolen in America was a big deal? Ha! Look at this man in Tijuana sleeping on the back of a car. Disrupting the peace.

6. Clearly this…

Obviously, because cars are used as bed mattresses… one must travel around on horse back. And they don’t stay on the streets. Ever heard of a bull in a China shop? How about a horse…. everywhere?

7. And finally, this…

Once you see it, you can’t un-see it. This man has made a bike woman. And may make the same of you if you actually take that visit to Tijuana you’ve been planning. ….. I thought NOT! Now go get you some KFC and watch you some American TV!