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July 17, 2015

18 Reasons Dress Pants Are Worse Than Swim Trunks

18 Reasons Dress Pants Are Worse Than Swim Trunks

1. They’re longer.

2. You can’t go swimming in them.

3. They’re generally more physically restrictive.

4. No reasonable person could go swimming in dress pants.

5. They have belt loops, which serve no real purpose and look stupid.

6. Think you’re going swimming in dress pants, cowboy? Think again.

7. Dress pants pockets inhibit and impose.

8. Your dress pants are all wet now. They’ll shrink, discolor, & be even worse than before.

9. Slave owners wore pants. Slave owners did not wear swim trunks.

10. You can’t wear dress pants to a cookout unless you have some sort of social death wish.

11. Hitler wore pants and was never once seen in swim trunks.

12. Everyone at the cookout is wondering why the lame nerd in dress pants was invited.

13. They don’t come in cool colors.

14. You’ve ruined another cookout. Are you happy now?

15. They are Fascist and lame.

16. Dress pants will entirely compromise high-quality cannonball form.

17. You will never be invited to a cookout ever again.

18. No one in ISIS has even heard of swim trunks.